Wondering Albatross

Consistency, or a lack thereof

2010-02-28T20:38:00.004-05:00

For the past month or so, I have had very little stability as I have been in a state of flux and unknowing. Will I get the job I interviewed for and finally get to officially settle down and start a permanent life? Finally live together with the Grackle and all of our little fur faces and have a consistent life instead of the temporary one I’ve been in for most, if not all of my adult life?

Well, although I don’t have official confirmation, I am 98% sure that isn’t happening. It has been pretty difficult to deal with and pretty depressing. All of my 1 out of 200 rejections are accepted almost as a given but to be 1 out of 5 and get rejected after they meet me, hear about my research and enjoy my sparking personality (to say nothing of my cute shoes) is getting me down about my prospects in academia altogether*

In addition to the soul crushing job market, the snowstorms in my area and a faulty transmission in Grackle’s car have conspired to keep us apart for most of February. I was able to get home this weekend for the first time since Feb 3^rd…. but am leaving for field-work on Friday so it will be at least 6 weeks till we see each other again. The whole point of taking a geographically close postdoc was so that we didn’t have to go 3 months without seeing each other!

Given all this, it doesn’t really seem like anything is consistent these days. Who knows what I will be working on come next year, where I might be in 18 months, if I will ever get a job, etc etc. But then as I contemplated just how much of a pity party my writing about continuity really was turning out to be, I thought about what it was we did this weekend.

We sat around our house and were completely boring. We watched sports and worked and played backgammon. The most exciting part of the trip was a visit to the antique mall where we found a three-faced dog planter (see below). Despite the snooze factor, the weekend was exactly like most weekends and has shown just how much consistency/continuity there can be in the mundane aspects of everyday life. This is actually quite comforting. The pets will always provide entertainment, Grackle will always do something sweet** and we will never get as much cleaning done as we plan.

This perspective is helping me accept the results of this years job search and remember that nothing is really so bad. It is fine I didn’t get what I thought was the perfect job and it is fine that weather and work and cars all seem to be working against me. The fundamental aspects of my life remain consistent and that is more than enough.

*I know that on my first year on the market that I am very lucky to have even gotten an interview and am grateful for the experience. Also know that search committees make decisions for all sorts of reasons and it shouldn’t be taken personally. Rejection still stinks, though.

**While out for dog food, he bought me an office chair so we can both sit comfortably while working/watching tv.

My new minion

2010-01-27T22:01:00.004-05:00

I have a new undergraduate to help keep me busy in these dark days of waiting. She has worked 3 days this week so far and I am beyond impressed. My previous student was awful. Didn't even know how to set up an Excel spreadsheet. I had to sit next to her every minute in the lab to keep her on task. She was uninterested, unengaged and I'm not sure why she was there. New student (I'll think of a name soon) picks up quick on data analysis, cares about what it is we are doing and wants to go to grad school someday. I could see her taking a major part of a project, doing the analysis and making it into a longer term project than just one semester.

After holding the last students hand through everything she did, I took a new approach with this student. We started small and she completed a small project in one day. Previous student would've taken 1.5 weeks! Now I am throwing things at her just to see how much she can handle. She is mastering everything well so far and I think we will actually be able to trust her to generate important data.

Now I just hope she doesn't get bored with the analysis and decide to leave!

perfect timing!

2010-01-24T19:32:00.003-05:00

Of course, I returned to the blog just in time to travel with no internet and unbloggable activities. Until I know more, I'll say that my interview is over. Also, wow. And finally, holy shit!

Now I get to return to regular lab life and trying to keep myself busier than ever to get my mind off of the waiting game. If you click through, you might have noticed that none of my goals or tasks in the list on the right have changed. That is because none of them have actually been completed. Still. So it is time to do something about that.

In addition to the personal motivation, Ruby-throated Hummingbird (the postdoc advisor) has declared the next 6 weeks the time for "Manuscripts, manuscripts, manuscripts!!!" Even the grad students are all chirping away with this new mantra. Hopefully this will be productive and distracting enough to keep little ol' anxiety-ridden me in a sane state of mind...

Another try

2010-01-16T13:05:00.003-05:00

I've been a busy little beaver but really miss blogging. So let's do this, blog! Here is a quick run down on my last 6 weeks...

Thanksgiving was nice with Grackle and the pets but tinged with sadness due to good friends husband passing away that morning.
After the wake the following week, I cut my thumb very badly and ended up in the ER. It wasn't too serious but a real annoyance. Most lab work requires two working thumbs. Plus, I couldn't get it wet for 2 weeks so washing my hair and doing dishes were real adventures.
Went to the midwest for the holidays. Always nice to see family and friends. We were relaxed and happy because I had just found out that....
I got an interview for a tenure track position. It is coming up soon and seems too good to be true. I'd really love this position.
Been busy at work! I now have multiple major grants pending for more money than I can imagine. That jump from small student grants to big grants just happens- like magic- and I know funding rates and resubmissions and everything but just having it out there seems like a good accomplishment in itself.
I started running again with a goal of 100 miles by April 1. I'm at 16.3 so far.

Ok! All caught up! Back to regularly scheduled blogging!

Thanksgiving plans

2009-11-25T10:38:00.004-05:00

With our families a 13 hour drive away, Grackle and I haven't been 'home' for Thanksgiving in about 5 years. Our second date was Thanksgiving dinner at a friends' house so we typically use it to celebrate our dating anniversary*.

The day is usually pretty relaxing. Grackle makes sure the kitchen is filled with good music so I can dance around while I cook, we eat our big meal (and usually too much pie), watch football and I usually do some crafting. It was after a particularly wine filled Thanksgiving meal that I decided to knit a cat sweater**...

Our menu is always filled with standards and Midwestern favorites: honey-brined Turkey breast, stuffing, green bean casserole and mashed potatoes. This year I am also making a butternut squash side dish, baking bread from scratch for the stuffing and trying out a new pie. It is the first time I'm making pie crust from scratch. I doubt I'll knit anything crazy, as a friend has a baby on the way that needs a finished blanket. But I also have a strange desire to do some Origami...

I hope everybody (if there is anybody still around reading this) has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

*Despite being married we still celebrate this in addition to our wedding anniversary. I'm not one to get rid of celebrations.

**turns out, cats really do not like wearing sweaters.

Dr for a year

2009-11-24T10:48:00.004-05:00

Saturday was the first anniversary of defending my dissertation.

This milestone seems pretty unreal but also worth mentioning. I never had any expectations that finishing my degree would translate into anything meaningful in my day to day life and it hasn't. Even in my daily life doing science. Compared to the last year or so of grad school, my first year as a postdoc has been more challenging intellectually and I've become more convinced than ever that I really know very, very little.

This isn't surprising given that I made a pretty big leap in subfield between grad school and postdoc. And I know that my degree gave the experiences and knowledge necessary to be able to forge ahead in these new areas.

But still, there is some sort of dark humor in that getting the phd establishes me as an expert of some sort in what I worked on but my postdoc requires that I become incredibly comfortable acknowledging my vast intellectual shortcomings in the new field.

At least it gave me a good excuse to cook a fancy dinner!

Ball dropped, again.

2009-11-21T10:45:00.003-05:00

Alright! 21 days into InaDWriMo 09 and I have yet to update. It might not turn out so well this year. But things are still getting done- just different things!

The official update on projects:

1) Decent progress made. I've got 1700 words or about 5 pages of...stuff. Hopefully by Sunday night it will be in some sort of readable form since I am sending it to Rt-H at that point. It is really similar to a proposal that was funded a few years ago and I am struggling to make mine different at least in wording and structure. The best argument is x, y and z. But I have that other grant, which also sets it up as x, y and z. I feel like I am copying but there is no other way to say it!

5) Since this is the same as 1, I have made 1700 words of progress! Woo!

2 and 3) Haven't touched them.

4) Also haven't touched but should get to it this week.

So, what HAVE I been doing? There was another writing task that didn't make my list. A revision of 'paper with too many authors.' I am first author on this thing but my PhD advisor wrote it and is last/corresponding author. It is a weird situation but he doesn't want to be first and out of all of us, I had invested most in it. I get the paper, thinking that I would have to add a couple references and that would be it. Nope. It took over a week of re-writing to make sense of some new data that he added and negotiate how to say many of my critical comments in a way that will hurt no ones feelings. 'Paper with too many authors' indeed.

I also started working on a new project to get preliminary data for my grants. It has been so long that I forgot the voodoo that is bench work. It is really cool when it works though! I also gave an invited seminar (more on this later), spent a weekend doing awesome-physical-activity in a wild and wonderful state, applied for a bunch of jobs and am now working from PhD Town home for the rest of the month. Writing is always better when surrounded by pets, right?

Writing Month returns!

2009-11-03T21:11:00.004-05:00

That's right it is InaDWriMo 2009! Last year was pretty awesome and it helped me graduate in time to start my pretty, pretty postdoc.

This year, I am going to

1) write a fellowship proposal- Due Dec. 1. and is 10 or so pages.

2) revise chapter 1 of my dissertation for publication- yikes! After writing it last year it is still not out. Been submitted and rejected once. Gotta get this baby out again this month!

3) revise chapter 2 of my dissertation for publication- Needs a few things- a new graph, an new spin and some references. Should be a gimmie!

4) write first major postdoc paper- I am working on analyses right now but that shouldn't keep me from getting the methods, and intro done!

5) write small grant- this will be very similar to the fellowship proposal so shouldn't be too big a thing

Even though it is the 3rd, I haven't done much. A page of #4. Hopefully I will rock some of this out the rest of this week!

Also in my absence

2009-10-25T20:34:00.005-04:00

A few other things that happened when I was gone:

I cut my hair. Probably about 10 inches off and above my shoulders for the first time since my first year of grad school. I had a serious case of hipster-hair and needed some new (although belated) postdoc hair. Of course, it has been 2 (+) months and I haven't had it re-cut but I want to keep it short and sassy for a while!

I started getting into awesome-physical-activity in a more serious way, getting all my own gear and making a commitment to a year of partaking in the fun. A-P-A really requires a lot of focus and thus, is worthwhile pursuing while I am in Postdoc City. Often I come home from lab, eat and open my computer to work some more. Now at least there are a few hours every few days that I am completely away from the computer and restricted from even thinking about work. It is good for non-work related life difficulties as well. Working through my A-P-A related goals helps keep me positive despite missing the Grackle and Company. Plus, my guns* are as sweet as ever!

I got a Mac. It was time to finally make the switch and time to have an apple in the family. The switch itself is still underway. Two important programs are missing from the new machine and I need to secure them asap. Other than that, I love the design and how it works. Luckily, my MS lab was mac and I use them currently in my lab so I am familiar with the finer points of using these things. My machine is great!

I got an iPhone. Continuing with the materialistic theme, this phone is amazing. I'm still in the honeymoon phase and hope that I don't continue to be that obnoxious girl with her phone. Or at least I hope I stop being self conscious about it. The best thing yet- I use it to take notes during seminars and lab meetings. My handwriting is atrocious and it is so nice to be able to make sense of my notes post meeting!

*'Please stop referring to your arms as guns'

Questioning your research

2009-10-14T21:00:00.006-04:00

Today one of the senior grad students in my lab asked me if, when I was a grad student, I ever felt like my research was crap and questioned if the hours, weeks, years of effort put into the research was really worth it.

Obviously she doesn't read any blogs.

My answer was a resounding yes. Having not yet published my dissertation, I'm still half convinced that it isn't good enough! Anyway, I tried to reassure her that pretty much all grad students question their decisions and research at one time or another. Even the confident, brilliant, successful ones (I'm lucky to count some of them as my friends). At this point, another grad student, a 2nd year who is just starting to figure out his research plan, skeptically asked, 'Everybody? So you think I will too?'

Seriously, does no one read blogs?

My answer was, again, a resounding yes and that it would probably be when he and his fiance want to start a family but he has 2 field seasons left that will require long trips and long hours in the lab with no weekends off. The look on his face told me I nailed it.

Having dealt with impostor syndrome, questioning my research and thinking it is crap is pretty second nature to me. I want to know what these students are doing to get through grad school without second guessing themselves!

Moving forward!

2009-10-13T22:00:00.004-04:00

Today, I finished a major step of my data analysis for the first project I have been working on for my postdoc. I've avoided the temptation of graphing out the data as I was analyzing it to avoid having to re-do it and get an incomplete (or wrong) picture of what is going on. The first glimpse of what my numbers are and how they are falling out with my treatments was awesome. Totally hot science! Getting through this tedious task helps me really feel like I am moving forward with my project as well. Finally!

Of course, moving forward = finishing something = moving on to something else. This final step is all wrapped up in its own little ball of strife, but we'll get into that next time...I got up ridiculously early to bake a pie this morning for a dinner party and need more sleep.

Hohum

2009-10-05T19:16:00.005-04:00

Just to make sure you know nothing has really changed around here today I worked from home (the real home in PhD-Town, not my apartment in Postdoc City) and planned to get a lot done. Including....

Finish getting old data

Start analyzing new data

Do laundry

Cook a nice, healthy dinner for the Grackle and I

What I actually did...

Didn't really get dressed all day

Read journals/books about new-research area

Started catching up on blog reading

Analyzed a tiny bit of old data

Discovered we are out of fabric softener

Am now waiting for the Grackle to get home with pizza and beer.

An overdue congrats!

2009-10-04T11:04:00.005-04:00

During my blog absence, the Grackle successfully defended his dissertation proposal and advanced to candidacy!

Due to the timing of things, I wasn't able to be around leading up to the defense, which sucked. I really wanted to be physically present to help support him by lessening his work load around the house and with our pets. He was able to keep the pets happy, the house clean enough, not resort to eating only pizza AND put together a fabulous proposal and presentation!

Congrats Grackle!

back to blogging

2009-10-04T10:25:00.004-04:00

So, it has been a while hasn't it. My absence was much longer than planned but I think I am ready to get back.

When I left, I had just returned from a conference. There was a big focus on my new work there and I didn't feel like I kept up or fit in or was well received whenever I tried to get my foot in the door or talk to bigwigs about my project. On top of that, I was in this competition and my talk didn't go very well. It was important for me to talk to some of the judges about my new work and I couldn't shake the feeling that they were judging me about everything. Because they were! Personally, it was a wonderful time catching up with good friends but professionally, eh.

Upon returning, I went into the field. It was a productive trip with a lot of pressure. It was on a new system that Rt-H hadn't worked on before. New places to work, with a different combination of students. There was one major blowout, which was due to my own leadership failings. 10 hours in the field + 7 hours driving + no food = unhappy Albatross. I got pissed at the actions of one student and the other had a compete breakdown. We worked through things and moved on with the trip and the work once we returned, but one of the students is still harboring some resentment about it all which makes it hard to learn from our mistakes and move forward.

After that trip (in July), with the students working away in the lab on our side project, I was supposed to visit to a lab for training related to the next portion of my project. This fell through and after a bit of floundering, I finally visited a different lab this past week to do the training. Things are starting to get back on track, some unbloggable situations have resolved themselves and life is becoming a bit more manageable again.

While catching up on my 1000+ posts in my reader, please feel free to let me know major happenings that I've missed in the comments. If anyone is still here reading, that is!

Stopping by

2009-07-02T22:05:00.004-04:00

Just wanted to pop in to say that I am alive and well.

I made it to exotic conference location and back and have been frantically preparing for the next stage of research and upcoming field excursion. We leave on Monday but the plans for my research have started falling though and so I might be in for a major project reassignment. All my time is spent trying to catch up on 3 bodies of literature because I need to act fast once we (or really just my PI) decide(s) what I will do. I've been feeling very, very imposter-y lately and the whole prospect of not having a project doesn't really help.

I tend not to blog when things aren't going well. Hopefully, I'll be back soon...

Great non-weekend

2009-06-10T22:06:00.005-04:00

Although my weekend was spent working, I made up for it by having some fun this week. After taking care of a bunch of paperwork for my upcoming conference, Grackle and I went to go see a band. I've wanted to see them for years as they are one of my favorites but it just never happened because they are always sold out. Well, the Grackle finally called in the big favor and got us tickets to the show as he used to live with the drummer. They hadn't seen each other in 15 years, but it was like only days had passed.

It was a great show...followed by an awkward afterparty...which we left to go to a basement bar... where I drank lots of fantastic tequila...resulting in a whole lot of dancing....next thing we knew it was 3am. I really enjoy knowing that people in hip bands are no better dancers than scientists!

The following day, we nursed hangovers and did a bunch of touristy things in Postdoc City . It was so relaxing to just hang out with Grackle and not think about the lab.

Of course, that was when I got the text message from my PI......

"Funded!!!!"

Bad idea

2009-06-04T23:38:00.002-04:00

This morning, as I was grinding coffee beans, I got fed up with my extra shaggy, eye-covering bangs. I decided I must cut them. That. Very. Moment.

It worked out well except for the big section I missed that ended up being an inch longer than the rest of my bangs. It was fine. The section was sort of on the side and blended in to the rest of my hair. Plus, the only lab member who would hassle me about it is on vacation this week.

It drove me nuts all day though!

Now, I want to fix them but I already drank a glass of wine. I guess I should wait till tomorrow morning. Post coffee.

Conference competition

2009-05-31T10:55:00.004-04:00

I'm going to a conference next month. This conference is one of my favorites, but I haven't been to it in 2 years. It is always a great group of people. Plus, this year it is in a fabulous, exotic location.

This year, I am competing in the best student talk competition. I've done this sort of thing before and have enjoyed it. One side effect is that the talk itself is better. Being comfortable giving talks is an asset but that also means that sometimes I don't practice or prepare as much as I should. When I know that there is more on the line- being judged, being in a special session, money (!)- I prepare and practice a lot more. Depending on the meeting, participating in these competitions can also give you leverage for networking. If there are limited numbers of students, either through an application process or just because few bother to apply, there is a greater chance someone important might take notice of your name, see your talk or be more receptive to your intellectual advances later.

My ex-advisor thinks I am all cutthroat about winning because I've done these competitions. Maybe he doesn't realize that I put my participation in them on my cv! I admit, there were a couple conferences where I was all about winning, but I was required to go to these and really just wanted some prize money to offset the cost of travel. This upcoming one is the last one I will do as a student and at this point in time, I am really in it for the game instead of the prize. That doesn't mean I'm not going to work my ass off to give a good talk. But I will be happy knowing that I've done my best and will value the indirect benefits (like the networking) and experiance more than a prize.

Beautiful weekend

2009-05-30T10:14:00.003-04:00

It looks like it is going to be a beautiful weekend...that I am going to spend working. I am on track to finish one task (my data) before the Monday deadline but I have slacked on the other (my writing). Trading this beautiful weekend for my time at home the past few weeks is easy and completely worthwhile. Plus, most of the people I know in Postdoc City are travelling this weekend so I won't even be tempted with fun distractions.

The only question left is where to work? My options...

1) Apartment. Not much natural light, but it is quiet, comfortable and I have a fully stocked kitchen. Plus crafty distractions if I need a break!

2) Lab/office. My chair sucks but it is open and airy with giant windows. It should be quiet (no one else in my lab comes in on weekends) and being on the campus network will help with easy access to papers. The major drawback is well, it is the lab and I'm there most days.

3) Elsewhere! I don't have a go-to coffee shop in Postdoc City yet and it might be time to find one! Of course, I might spend more time finding one, trying to get there, getting lost and then enjoying it than actually, um, working.

Any other suggestions for where to write on days like this?

Anniversary!

2009-05-26T20:08:00.004-04:00

We are celebrating our two year anniversary today! Always the science geeks, here were our centerpieces...

It has been a wonderful 2 weeks at home and I am sad to head back to Postdoc City tomorrow morning....

Coming out of the fog

2009-05-23T21:46:00.005-04:00

I guess I have been suffering a hooding hangover. It went well and it was nice to see ex-advisor for a few hours. He couldn't put his own hood on beforehand and put mine on upside down. Better than backwards at least! While it was good to take part in the ceremony, it was a little weird. Like a bridal shower. I'd encourage others to go to it, but I didn't get the tingly I'm-really-a-Dr-now feelings from it that I was set up for. There was free-flowing champagne afterwards though which was a lot of fun. It made me really miss my old lab. Well, part of it anyway.

After my Mom went back home, I got down to work. It is really more likely that I am suffering from a data hangover. The analysis I'm doing is intensive and mind numbing. It is going about half as fast as I planned. Working from home is great, but after 5 hours of analysis I can not even see straight! Still, spending time in my own house with the pets and being all domestic-like with dinner ready when Grackle gets home from the lab has been lovely. It feels like a break but I am still getting more done than I would in the lab!

Both Grackle and I are coming under the gun and have to prepare data for conferences that are within a month. Today, he is at the lab and I am analysing. It isn't all work around here though. We are headed to the drive in tonight! Yay! I hope everyone is having a good holiday!

New kicks

2009-05-16T11:37:00.004-04:00

I tried to talk myself out of getting anything new to wear to hooding. I made a cute, new skirt (with lemons on it- so summery!) but then didn't have a non-t-shirt top to go with it. A t-shirt seems a little casual for hooding and sooooo my mom talked me into getting a new dress (it is prefect for 2 weddings this summer too). I also got some new kicks since no one will see the dress anyway!

I am in love with them....

Most expensive outfit ever

2009-05-14T15:03:00.005-04:00

The semester is wrapping up at Postdoc U. The rotation students are finished, my undergrad had her last day and the normal services (like the coffee place) are starting to decrease their hours and will soon be shut down for summer. Except for the lack of coffee, Postdoc U seems like it will be a nice place for the summer. I'm forming a writing date group and am looking forward to finishing up current data and starting new projects. It is all going so fast!

I am back at the homestead (yay!) for my graduation ceremony this weekend. I am going to the hooding ceremony but not the actual commencement. It seems like a nice ceremony which is always followed by lots of champagne...

My mom is flying in today and we are having a little party afterwards. Things have been so busy with the new lab that I haven't seen any of my school friends since February...

I picked up my regalia this afternoon. They are just rentals but I hope to buy my own fancy set someday when I get a job and have my own students. Those things cost more than my rent! The day they are delivered, I am going to put on my wedding dress and my robes and just hang out around my house in the most expensive outfit I will ever wear.

Held hostage

2009-05-10T11:21:00.003-04:00

When I moved to Postdoc city, it was important for me to have a place where my pets would be welcome when Grackle had to travel for work. He is travelling this week so both cats and the dog are with me in my small apartment. Things seemed to be fine until the landpeople showed up this morning and now I am held hostage in my apartment. This is the first time that they have been here since the pets have been here and of course, they rang the doorbell and are very loud in the basement so the dog is going nuts. He is barking for the first time all week, whining, and running around. I was planning on going to lab and for a run but now as soon as I walk out the door the dog gets even louder and fairly annoying! When I was down in the basement with them, the landlady said that my dog must be clawing at the door. First, he is well trained and doesn't claw at doors. Second, he is 100 lbs and could break down the door if he wanted to.

So, here I sit, trying to keep my dog quiet and waiting for the landpeople to leave so that they don't freak out about noise or worse, come upstairs to see the zoo! Good thing I don't have to go to lab today...

My non-world

2009-05-04T20:04:00.005-04:00

With my PI on maternity leave, the definition of my postdoc position as not-student and not-faculty has become obvious. Most of this come from intralab interactions. The students come to me to discuss experiments, get papers, ask questions, etc. instead of constantly emailing Rt-H.I even sign their time sheets! While it is great that I am getting a bit of mentoring experience, the fact that I am not faculty means that the students don't have to listen to me and have on a few occasions ignored my suggestions completely. Rt-H and I usually have the same suggestions so the students end up doing what I said anyways, but it is frustrating to be pestered by them all the time when they don't trust what I have to say.

I'm also relied upon by Rt-H for experimental design assistance. Reading over a protocol, I found an error that would result in a fatal flaw in the design. After pointing this out to her and the students, there was a big email flurry to solve the issue. Since I am not the students doing the experiments, or the advisor I was not in on the solution. It took me two days to track down a student and get the story on the outcome.

These things are just small annoyances really, but they make it clear that my position in the lab is very well, un-clear. Defining my place in the lab by all these things that I am not has got me me wondering exactly what I am in the lab...On a related note. Geez, grad students take up a lot of time!

What?? Is it really May already??

2009-05-03T19:56:00.005-04:00

To get back in the swing of things*- bullets!

I finished all my data collection on time. It is so good to be done with that portion of the project. Up next, my deadline to analyze all that data is the end of May.
I had to give a journal club presentation about a topic that I really don't like. I was volunteered for it against my will. It went alright, I think. This journal club is so weird. There is never any discussion. It is really just a space for students to practice presenting by presenting other people's papers. My topic required discussion and was far removed from the theme of the journal club. I think this made it more enjoyable for the students but it all made me very unsure of myself. I didn't know if the profs would dislike the sudden change in format. It was the last meeting of the semester so at least we ended with some fun discussion.
There is another presentation coming up this week. My big, 5 months late introduction to the department by way of research seminar! I am really, really excited to share what I did for my diss with this department. It is very different from what I do here and no one really does anything similar. Hopefully that will make it a fun talk. I am planning on giving my dissertation defense talk with a few slides added to tie in how I got to the lab I am currently in. Can't wait for Wednesday! Oh, and my PI is coming in for the first time since she had her baby!
The Grackle is currently in the deep south doing work. A 100 lbs dog, two cats and I are all smooshed into my tiny apartment for the week. My downstairs neighbor doesn't hate me yet, but let's see how she feels by Friday!
The circle of friends from work that I have fallen into continue to amaze me. They all do so much more stuff than I ever did as a student. Pretty much every day that I am in town, someone is doing something. Be it potluck dinner parties (once a week), rock climbing (once or twice a week), crafting (usually weekends), meeting up for certain TV shows or this mornings' farmers market there is always something to do. I am enjoying the company and doing new, fun things but I have no idea when these people get work done!
So many postdoc-ing things going on in my head. Please, stay tuned!

* I really need to figure out how to blog regularly or give this up. I hate the cycle of not posting, then feeling guilty for not posting then postponing posting even more. Ugh. It sucks. I'm going to try to post everyday this week. Hopefully that will snap me back into things here.

Escaping the lab

2009-04-20T21:32:00.004-04:00

This weekend was so nice, I actually spent only 10 hours at the lab! I went outside, there was sun and it was glorious!

So glorious!*

The intense data collection period for my project is almost over. My deadline is Friday. There will be some long hours this week but hopefully things will return to normal soon (and return to blogging!). This weekend really reminded me how important it is to balance work with a non-work life. It was great to foster new friendships here and have some fun but I missed the Grackle. He came to visit me last weekend , but between my data collection and the Grackle writing his proposal, we mostly worked.

I can't wait till my weekends involve both the Grackle AND escaping the lab.

*One of my adventures. Anyone recognize the band? It will disappear soon....

Lab baby

2009-04-18T12:46:00.003-04:00

My PI had her baby this week!!! In a ridiculous display of professor geekdom, she texted us 2 hours after giving birth. We got 3 emails that night and all were about lab stuff and journal club. Not even a single baby picture yet!

A couple other professors have asked me how things are going now that I am 'running the lab.' It is funny because I'm really not. All the grad students are pretty independent and the lab tech ends up with more responsibility than I have for the daily ins and outs of the lab. Plus, Rt-H is ridiculously plugged in. So far, the students have bounced a few more questions off me than normal since it is easier to ask and get an immediate answer than email Rt-H but nothing too out of the ordinary. We will have to see how 3 weeks of absence differs from 3 days....

Back off, bitches!

2009-04-15T20:52:00.004-04:00

The Grackle was propositioned today....for our dog! Despite being in school with this woman for 5 years and TA-ing together she never knew about our pooch. Our dear doggie is a beautiful, ex-show dog German Shepard. Apparently, a normal 'oh you have a dog?' conversation quickly turned to 'does he have papers?' Pretty soon she was asking if we would breed him to her dog!

Grackle politely declined the offer but I am still laughing how quickly office conversation can turn strange! Not that any ladies could resist this face.....

Waste of a day!

2009-04-14T18:53:00.003-04:00

Today started out slowly. The facilities guy had to do some work in my research room so I waited till he was done to start work. Right as I start doing my first 2 hour data collection, the lab tech tells me about a power outage to our floor. We freak out and get all the essential equipment for my data collection switched to the back-up power system. After 20 minutes, everything on the back-up power system shuts off but the normal power remains working. I give up on the data and unplug everything.

2 of our 3 big, fancy machines which must run constantly have quit since they are also hooked up to the back-up power. Freak out number 2. We get the facilities guy to check it out and find out that we blew the fuse on our back-up circuit by adding my equipment to it. Now, the 2 big machines are running again, but we are still waiting for the regular power to go out. Big machine 3 is still hooked up to regular power. I run to a hardware store so we can string a contractor-grade extension cord across the hall to tap into a different back-up power circuit. Eventually, the regular power goes out. But big machine 3 still isn't working! Freak out 3 that the outage itself could have fried the machine. 5 hours wasted since finding out the power was going to go out. Lab tech realizes that each big machine has multiple cords. All must be on back-up power. One is labeled with tape saying "must be on back-up power" but is not even plugged in to anything. The grad student trying to figure out that part of the system didn't bother to read the tape. Grrrr.

When I left, everything important was working. Hopefully it will stay that way.

Today was the first day that Rt-H stayed home due to her impending baby. Things without her around better get easier!

Back again!

2009-04-12T20:19:00.004-04:00

We made it back, again! Actually, we were back a week ago but I've been locked away in the lab since then. This trip was easier that the first because it was shorter but held its own challenges. We drove into tornadoes (but didn't have to camp in the rain!) and pulled a couple of 18 hour days but ultimately got our work done. Given that this was the second trip for the students, they were not in as good of spirits as they were for the first trip. This time, they knew what they were in for! There was a feeling of quiet determination compared to the first trips' feeling of a boisterous, big adventure.

The worst part of the trip for me was getting injured. I took a couple of hard falls landing on the part of your hand where the index finger meets the palm both times . It was purple within a minute and painful to the touch. I tried to finish out the work we were doing, but had to take a breather so as not to scream, swear or cry in front of the students. It was all I could do hold it together. My old labmates, advisor and current advisor have all seen me upset to the point of tears. Heck, I was crying when I passed my proposal defense. It is like crying is my only stress response. But for some reason, I really didn't want to lose it in front of students when I was suppossed to be 'in charge'. I just kept replaying Tom Hanks in my head telling me that there is no crying in science. It worked. In the end, there was a whole lot of cussing when out of earshot, but no crying. Is this what it means to be responsible? After more than a week, my hand is still bruised and puffy but I feel pretty good about being able to handle such an obstacle.

Anybody else had to learn to censor themselves in front of students?

I'm back...but just for a second

2009-04-01T21:34:00.004-04:00

Everyone survived the research trip! Being 'in charge' was really not too hard. Rt-H was accessible via text/phone when I had major issues (like getting locked out of our van due to key fab failure in the rural deep South). Despite bad weather and bad equipment we got more work done than planned and returned a day early. I got slightly annoyed around day 5 at the 22 year old first year. She had warned me that she complains a lot....and boy was she not kidding! That and her 'what I know is right and anything new or different is wrong' attitude just got to me. Smooth sailing other than that.

Research-wise it was a super successful trip and I have been locked in the lab since our return. This science is so, SO hot you guys!! I am just at the very start of the project, but can already see that it is going to be fabulous data to work with!

We leave again tomorrow morning at 6:30 for another trip. This time I've got the 22 yr old, a guy (another first year) who asked if his girlfriend could come along because she doesn't want to be alone for 4 days (she is not coming due to her work schedule, space limitations and the ridiculousness of complaining about getting lonely when you have to spend 4 days with yourself. Doing so to a postdoc who hasn't seen her husband in a month doesn't help!) and a second year who was so anxiety-ridden on our trip in February that she broke down crying at dinner because of the prospect of driving in snow flurries. Thank goodness it is only 4 days this time!

Hopefully on the other side of it, I will get to return to some semblance of a real life.

Off to pack...

Headed South

2009-03-13T20:43:00.003-04:00

We are leaving in about 9 hours for the research trip. I've got a sweet rental van, all my equipment and the promise of bad weather. Now if only I would finish packing...

I hope everyone has a great week! See you when I get back!

RBOC

2009-03-12T19:25:00.005-04:00

An rboc post is better than no post, right?
I have been trying to write a post about students, their hang-ups, anxieties and how to deal with them. I have my own as well, but they have never kept me from doing my work (they'll keep me from submitting my work, but even that gets done- see next bullet). Really, I just want students to take responsibility for their own work. I don't care if you are afraid of driving in any type of weather. If you have experiments to do, you better figure out how to get over it and show up.
My first paper from my dissertation got rejected today. It wasn't even reviewed. I suppose I should follow my own advice- figure out how to get over it and resubmit the thing. This won't happen for at least 3 weeks.
I leave in less than 36 hours for my research trip. Things are not exactly ready. Tomorrow is going to be a long day of arranging details. Methods for the intensive research scheduled for after the trip are also not ready. I thought I had ironed out all the details last week, then trying to replicate them today was a total disaster.
These two previous bullets are serious bummers. Getting out of here and getting some research underway will be a major improvement!
One little thing I haven't mentioned yet-- my PI is pregnant! This is the real reason I am leading the research trip on my own. Rt-H is due in a little over a month. It is really inspiring to see how it is possible to be pre-tenure with a young family (this is her second in under 2 years) on a day-to-day basis. More on this in the future.
I have to get back to packing!

Interview

2009-03-09T21:28:00.004-04:00

EcoGeofemme was kind enough to interview me.

You’ve mentioned that you are very tall. What’s that like? Name the best thing and the worst thing about it.

I really enjoy being tall (I am 5 ft. 10.5 inches) and I have no issue wearing heels, as the Grackle stands a mighty 6 ft. 5 inches. The biggest perks are practical. Being able to reach high shelves and being able to see over other people at concerts. The worst part of it is when people in front of you on an airplane try to recline and finding pants that are long enough. I wish I could say something deeper about how my height has shaped (ha!) me as a person but while it describes me, it has never really defined me. It never really hindered me. I could still blend in when I wanted to and was fine dating shorter or at least, not much taller guys (Grackle was my first over 6 ft boyfriend). It didn't help me that much either-never facilitated a fabulous sports career or anything. While I did play volleyball in middle school, I was a setter!

Is it harder or easier than you expected to be in a long distance relationship?

This is a difficult question, so I am going to focus on the specifics of our current long distance situation vs. previous since the Grackle and I are in our third stint as a long distance couple*. I'm pretty sure you have to talk yourself into thinking it will be easy, otherwise no one would ever do it! This time it would be easier for a number of reasons: 1) We are closer (170 miles vs 3000 miles) so visits are more frequent. 2) My schedule is a bit more flexible. 3) We have more available technology (internet with video chat vs. no internet). 4) We are in the same time zone. Now, whether or not it is actually easier- it is too soon to tell. Seeing Grackle with the cats on the video chat just fills me with happiness every time. On the other hand...new challenges continue to blindside me and make me want to pack up and move home.

Do you ever imagine doing a different kind of science?

Not really. I was crap at the only other sciences I took in college (Chemistry and Physics) and more importantly- wasn't inspired by them. Perhaps, I just didn't find the alternative science that would make me happy. I could conduct research in a related subfield but would never want to deviate too much. If I couldn't do my kind of science, I'd probably do something related to the application of or public outreach for my kind of science.

What’s your best-ever Halloween costume?

Overall, I think the best Halloween costumes are homemade. My favorites would include a mermaid (198?) and Glenda the Good Witch (high school). Here are a couple recent favorites...

Keiko the Killer Whale (2005) and made by my mom.

Bee Girl from Blind Melon video (2008) made by me!

Suppose you are offered two jobs with equally interesting science/colleagues/prestige/etc. One pays really well but is in a crappy location and the other has lousy pay but in a fabulous location. There is a position for the Grackle at each of them. Which do you choose?

Well, I think we have managed to live pretty well as grad students and honestly, I am not really sure what we will spend 'real' salaries on!** Based on this, I would pick the fabulous location. We don't need a lot of stuff if as long as we are together- being in a great place is even an extra bonus!

If anyone wants me be interviewed- let me know in the comments!

* Only six months after we started dating, I moved to PhD town and it was 8 months before Grackle joined me. We had another 8 month stint while I was doing field work and were married 5 months into that separation.

** I lie. We'd go on vacations, get jeans without holes in them and probably more pets.

Perks

2009-03-06T00:53:00.003-05:00

I drove home to the husband and pets tonight. I'm surfing blogs and finishing a beer before collapsing into the most comfortable bed ever*.

I love being home so I can catch the Grackle when he does things like Google "What is your freaking problem, Facebook?" and follows it up by clicking on "Monkeys ride giant rodents." ** He says...."if monkeys can ride giant rodents, why can't we all be happy?"

He knows I'm blogging this and just made a Grackle sound.

Ahhhhh.....happiness.......

* seriously, my bed in Postdoc City stinks. It is small and not soft. Home bed is a king with a pillowtop.

** it is worth watching just for the music.

We are officially underway!

2009-03-02T21:16:00.005-05:00

This past weekend, I went on my first research trip with the new lab. It was me, Rt-H and a second year grad student on a 36 hour trip, 22 of those were spent driving. The others were pretty crappy sleep and hard labor. I've been on research trips with Rt-H before, and we get along great so it wasn't too bad. The grad student kept to herself, listening to her music most of the time. She will be the topic of another post this week.

For me, this was practice for later in the month. I will be taking 2 grad students on a ten day long research trip into the deep South. We will be doing a lot of driving, physical work and camping. It is the first research trip of its kind for both of these students and only one of them has camping experience. Should be interesting!

In addition to the firsts for them, it will be my first time really being in charge of more than myself. I've had field helpers in the past, but they were other grad student friends (and often my husband) or undergrads tagging along with professor friends of mine. The big difference is that I am responsible and really leading the trip. I guess this means I have to be on my best behavior, set a good example and say, for example, not try to scam 5 more minutes of sleep in the mornings. The increased responsibility goes not only for the day-to-day aspect of making sure things run smoothly and paying for stuff but also for the work. It isn't just my research and graduation date depending on my abilities this time. It is my PI and all the students in the lab who depend on this work. Having the pressure turned up is actually a pretty good motivator. I am more prepared for this trip than any other and am planning on kicking ass.

My undergrad- Updated!

2009-02-24T21:33:00.005-05:00

I was assigned an undergrad to work with on my new project. Let's call her Kori*. At first, it was great to have someone to work for me but I was concerned about finding meaningful tasks for her to do. It sucks to process data files but on the other hand- I don't have to do it! Yea!!

Rt-H agreed processing was good for her to start with and she's been doing this for the past 3 or 4 weeks. Things were going smoothly, but she is crazy slow at doing anything. It sort of works out because it keeps me from having to find more work for her to do. Perhaps her slowness is balanced by her attention to detail you say? Nope. She skips files and overlooks important coding. I also have to work on the computer next to her (the only computer with my analysis programs) to ensure she doesn't watch too many music videos. Up to this point, all these things were merely annoying. Kori is nice, helpful and I appreciate her work. Her presence allows me to be doing other things and this is priceless.

Well, today Kori took it to a new level. I asked her (via email because I was driving back from a weekend with the Grackle when she was to be in the lab) to cut and paste data from a bunch of files into one spreadsheet. In my email, I set up what the spreadsheet should look like. When looking over her sholder today, I see that she just made a list, in a spreadsheet, of the file names. No data anywhere. Nothing like what I asked for. Ugh. Luckily, it wasn't anything too important.

How long does it usually take to know what a particular undergrad can be trusted with? Perhaps almost a year without dealing with students has skewed my ideas of what to expect and how much hand holding I need to do. If nothing else, I need to communicate a bit more about specifically what I need from Kori. Hopefully we will go back to moving forward, despite doing so at a snail's pace.

*After the Kori Bustard. Bustard come from the latin for 'slow bird'

UPDATE: Some of Kori's slowness and flakiness could be because she is a graduating senior this semester! If nothing else, I only have to work with her for a few more months. Rt-H was telling me about the young woman she is hoping to lure to the lab next year. She sounds really amazing student!

Not that I'm counting...

2009-02-19T20:15:00.003-05:00

I have officially been employed as a postdoc for 39 days. Tomorrow, on day 40, I will finally receive my first paycheck.

Hallelujah!

My last grad student paycheck came right as I started the new position so it easily could have been a longer period of time between paychecks. My grad department was one that always supported me during the summer and so I haven't had this sort of drought for a long time. It might have been easier had I known it was coming (I wouldn't have spent a ton of money at Ikea the weekend before I started if I knew it was going to be so long), but I doubt it is ever easy.

In celebration, I am going to pay my utilities! And part of the credit card I've been living off of!

roller coaster week

2009-02-16T22:22:00.006-05:00

This postdoc thing has got me up, down, upside-down and sideways.

Up: Since last week, things have gotten better. I figured something out on my own, which really helped increase my confidence. I was able to finish up analyzing my first data set and now...

Down: ...the second has not been as kind. I am slooooowly working through it but seriously, does anyone have any tips on how to remind yourself to eat when you are in the lab 12+ hours? It is really inconvenient when you are in the middle of something and have to leave to actually do it!

Upside-down: My progress is at a dangerous stage right now. I know just enough to know when something is new and different, but I don't know how to deal with it yet. Some of what I'm finding is completely unexpected (and therefore totally awesome). It is enthralling and frustrating all at once. Tomorrow I actually get to learn how to take my own data (yay!) but for now...

Sideways: ...I'm going to go crawl into bed with some pdfs.

My real Darwin Day celebration

2009-02-12T18:37:00.005-05:00

My previous Darwin post felt a bit forced. I do think there are small and easy ways for all scientists to reach out for the understand of evolution but the problem isn't nearly as bad as it was 6 hours ago. CNN updated it's story with a NEW poll stating that...

"39 percent of Americans say they "believe in the theory of evolution,"

while a quarter say they do not believe in the theory,

and another 36 percent don't have an opinion either way."

Alright, sure. Way to go polled people! I'm way more down with apathy than anti-evolution sentiment! So here is how I really celebrated today*:

If you can't wear fancy boots for a 200th birthday, when can you?

*The camera angle makes me look like I have really short legs. I don't.

Happy Darwin Day!

2009-02-12T16:06:00.002-05:00

In case you missed it (really, where’ve you been?), today is the 200^th anniversary of Charles Darwin’s birth. This year is also the 150th anniversary of the publication of his most famous book, On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life.

The scientific status of evolution by natural selection is solid and the evidence is overwhelming. A quick Web of Science search on ‘natural selection’ comes back with over 8,000 results. However, the public status of evolution by natural selection remains weak. CNN sums it up…

“The most recent Gallup poll on the issue, conducted in May, found that only 14 percent of Americans believe that humans developed over millions of years from less advanced forms of life. Forty-four percent believe that God created human beings almost overnight within the past 10,000 years, and another 36 percent believe that God guided humans' evolution from animals over a much longer period of time.”

That 44% is most disturbing to me, although dinos at the nativity would make an awesome Xmas blockbuster.

I think this number is mostly based on misunderstanding of science compounded by a misunderstanding of the evidence for evolution by natural selection. So, how do you decrease that number? Who should be doing it? Should we bother? Personally, I’ve encountered people who are stubborn in their beliefs and shut down any conversation before it starts. This sort of thing frustrates me and results in me not wanting to deal with the issue. I can do my science, go along my way and leave well enough alone. What good does that do?

I don’t really have any good answers today except for thinking that my involvement with public education about evolution could extend past arguing with drunks in bars.... I mean, I should do more to communicate science in general in addition to my usual focus on my own research. If as Dobzhansky said, "nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution," then any of us even remotely tied to biology should have a good understanding of the subject of evolution. Luckily, we’ll be celebrating Darwin and his big book all year so I have time to post more in depth about various aspects of this issue.

Most of my readers (the few I have, thanks for stopping by, by the way!) are scientists (and my mom) so I don’t want to beat a dead…finch, I guess. If you feel particularly yea or nay about my posting more detailed posts on this- please let me know in the comments!

Either way, happy birthday, Charles!

Current difficulties

2009-02-10T20:03:00.005-05:00

My postdoc research is pretty far removed from anything I’ve done before. It is really exciting, but also really difficult. I have no background in the actual work and am trying to read as much as possible and talk to as many people to get my head around it all. It doesn’t help that I am working somewhat backwards. I was given last years’ data and a plan for me to write it up before my field season starts. It is hard to understand data that I didn’t collect. Last week I had to ask someone exactly what the numbers in the dataset actually were*. The data itself isn’t the best either. Bah.

Given that I don’t know squat, I’ve been feeling like very much the impostor lately. In the past, I’ve dealt with general feelings of not (ever) being good enough. I never really thought I ‘fooled’ anybody to progress in my career or worried about being ‘exposed’ but certainly dismiss my accomplishments.

What is different is that I can’t help but feel like an impostor because of other peoples’ assumptions about me. Since day one, others in the department have taken for granted that I am an expert in this area and technique. This assumption combined with my extreme lack of knowledge is not a good mix. Any question I ask is met with, ‘Well you know some random tiny detail about math…blah blah blah.’ The slightly furrowed brows or pauses when I answer ‘uhhh, what’s that again?’ are starting to get to me. It is like I finally DID get exposed as an imposter when I never, ever claimed to be an expert in this area in the first place!

What bugs me most is that playing so much catch up in my new area has sucked me into this hole of self doubt in my older work. My dissertation chapters have sat for a month. I’ve read them over, had others read them over and gotten the go ahead from my PhD advisor but I’m just not sure they are submission quality anymore. No real reason why.

I’m not sure how to shake myself out of it but I'm going to just try to continue making progress with continued reading, working towards small goals in the research each day, continuing to ask the questions I need to – no matter how basic, and finally get that research seminar in the department done soon so these peeps know what my background really is!

*In my defense, we present data at a percentage. There are values that are over 100 and less than 0. Hence, my confusion.

Inspiration

2009-02-09T21:29:00.004-05:00

A big thanks to ScienceGirl, who was kind enough to pass along an Inspiration Award.

The rules are as follows:

Put the logo of the award (above) on your blog if you can make it work with your format.

Link to the person from whom you received the award.

Nominate seven or more blogs. (Or less, if you please).

Put the links of those blogs on your blog.

Leave a message on their blogs to tell them.

I nominate:

All very inspiring ladies doing things like gettin papers submitted, rocking the GRE, finishing a thesis (with a baby on the way) and managing to balance lab life with other passions that many of us just give up instead!

And I Remember Every Kiss

2009-02-07T12:31:00.004-05:00

I love the music memes. I wasn't called out, but share a lot of music with Cath. Her style of tagging works for me so consider yourself tagged if you have any of these songs in your music library!

RULES:
a) Put your MP3 player, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle
b) For each question (capitalised), press the next button to get your answer.
c) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
d) Tag at least 5 people
e) Everyone tagged has to do the same thing (no they don't, actually)
f) Have Fun! (Step f is not required)

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
The Sound of Fear (Eels)

Ummmm...no one would ever say that exact phrase ever.

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Simple Things (Belle & Sebastian)

I like that one

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Souvenirs (Architecture in Helsinki)

Presents are nice but wouldn't determine my liking someone

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Don't Let me Down (Beatles)

I have a lot to do today but it's 1:45 pm and I am still in my pj's

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Everybody's Talking at Me (Harry Nilsson, although it really comes up at Track 11 on a mix)

Are those everybody's students?

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Punch and Judy (Elliott Smith)

Not into punching and don't know anyone named Judy but that isn't really what the song is about

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
In My Place (Coldplay)

I move around a lot so am usually in a different place

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
I Was Meant for the Stage (The Decemberists)

Possibly when I was younger. I still like an audience...

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Slow Down (Bowerbirds)

I do have a lead foot

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Time After Time (cover from Napoleon Dynamite soundtrack by Sparkle Horse)

So, 4 o clock?

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits (Magnetic Fields)

We're clear that the Grackle is my best friend right?

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Prisstina (Sleater Kinney)

'She will go to the head of the class

And all you boys need to get a late pass
'Cause she'll leave those dull lads behind
Yeah that girl is ahead of her time'

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Nachtwort (Albert Magelsdorff)

I don't speak German but I don't think that works really...

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sail to the Moon (Brush the Cobwebs Out of the Sky) Radiohead

Sounds like a lovely idea

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Crush in the Ghetto (Jolie Holland)

Nope, didn't happen.

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Tears of Joy (Robert Randolf and the Family Band)

Let's hope not! iTunes is cruel.

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Now Mary (White Stripes)

?????

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Earthquake Weather (Beck)

Sounds like something we should all be afraid of

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Six White Horses (Johnny Cash)

Cryptic because it is a secret!

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
My Tiger My Heart (Boy Least Likely To)
I don't have to want them- Grackle and our tiny tigers are currently with me in Postdoc City!

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Bees (Animal Collective)
They are all really busy...

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
And I Remember Every Kiss (Jens Lekman)

A first

2009-02-04T19:26:00.004-05:00

Today represents another new, sucky thing about long-distance relationships.

This is the first time in 5 years that I haven't been around on the Grackle's birthday. Even when doing field work 3000 miles away, I managed to get back for a Sunday B-day! We aren't usually into big birthday celebrations....but it is always nice to have a reason for a lovely dinner or date night.

Tonight he'll be off to dinner and watching Lost with friends and I'm sure it will be quite the celebration*. As for me, internet has been successfully installed in my abode so I have blogs to catch up on** and about 5 hours of Lost to watch for myself.

Since my mind is elsewhere anyways, it may as well get caught up in some decent tv...

*Two of my ex-labmates also celebrate their birthdays tomorrow.

** Yay!!!!

And about the weather...

2009-01-28T22:20:00.005-05:00

As a transplant from the Midwest to the mid-Atlantic region, this is a riot. And completely true.

Big props to the Buffalo-born Sneks for originally posting this....

Re: How to choose a postdoc

2009-01-28T18:06:00.003-05:00

Recently*, there was a post and discussion over at Dr. Isis (written by Comrade PhysioProf) about how to choose a postdoc position.

I just thought I'd share where my postdoc fits in with some of the issues he raised.

1) Early vs. Later stage PI. Ruby-throated Hummingbird is early-ish in her career and hoping to go up for tenure next fall. That will depend partially on how much I can get done for her. As CPP pointed out, there is less competition to work with less famous peeps. In my case, none that I know of. I've been trying to cultivate this position for 2+ years and it was not publicly advertised. I did not take early vs. late career PI into account when searching for a postdoc. Geography and topic were the only major considerations. My PhD advisor was chosen partly on this criteria though.

2) The way the lab is organized or run. I was not hired to churn out data using a technique I have specialized in. I will need extensive training to be able to do my experiments, but will be able to bring my own point of view to the table. This particular lab is opposite the 'division of labor' model. There are a lot of experiments to be done using my specialized techniques, but I am only consulting on them while the grad students are working through them.

3) The subject of the research itself. To branch out in organism, technique or question. My organism is very similar to what I did my dissertation research on, and the questions I'm asking are related to theories I've been interested in since I started doing research. Mainly, it is the techniques and framework of questioning that are different.

EcoGeoFemme has also weighed in on the subject of really early career PIs. I agree with her point that there will be- or already are- an increasing number of people whose postdoc funding comes from a start-up package. This means you might not get a lot of the assumed benefits of a postdoc like access to a huge network. I think the change in Issue #1 should also lead to changes in issues #2 or 3. You have no way to know how the lab will be run. Seeing/helping a lab get set-up could be a good experience but probably takes a ton of time that could be better spent churning out data from a specific technique. Also, in a new lab, perhaps it is better to try to branch out more in your subject to try to increase your network as much as possible.

*Or, not so recently....but I get Internet installed at home on Monday! Yay!!!! Posting in a timely fashion!

Undercover Blogger

2009-01-26T10:46:00.004-05:00

Things are going well with the new position. I am knee deep in unorganized data (OMG!! organize your files, people!) and fancy programs that I don't understand. Fun all around.

My 'office' space is actually a corner in the lab. There are two grad students who sit right behind me*. Undergrads abound. I really hate sitting anywhere with my back exposed. At restaurants, Grackle is kind enough to always take the aisle seat. Nothing gives me comfort like a corner booth. Additionally, it is never good to have your computer facing the masses. There was a grad student at my last institution whose desk faced a wall near their office door. That student played a lot of online games and everyone that walked by saw it. People don't take them too seriously. So having a computer that faces your entire lab would make it difficult to check your facebook, or your twitter, or cuteoverload and especially your pseudonymous blog. This is my current situation. I'm calling about getting internet installed at home today.

*They are both at class right now.

Odds and ends

2009-01-17T16:26:00.003-05:00

Since I am still transitioning into my new position, I am still transitioning out of my old lab. In order to really do this, I need to finish up some things and get them off my desk. In particular order...

Final touches/Letter to Editor/Submit very old, small manuscript
Format/Submit MS 1 from dissertation
Final edits/Format/Submit MS 2 from dissertation

It would be nice if these were all finished by the time I return to the lab next week. The tasks themselves are small but they seem big in the greater sense of things.

2008 ended up being a good year for getting papers accepted and these are the next round. This will be the first submission for each of these projects which almost certainly means rejections, lots of revisions, resubmissions, the whole cycle. I know it is good to have data and be getting it out and all but when working on these, part of me can't help but think 'Geez, here we go again...'

First Day

2009-01-14T22:10:00.003-05:00

I started my postdoc today.

It went alright. We never set a time to meet besides 'morning' so I showed up at 9. My boss, who I will call Ruby-throated Hummingbird, showed up t 9:35. We had a 3 hour meeting in which I chose my desk and got lots of keys*. We figured out my plan of attack and will get down to some data stuff next week. Tomorrow I get to do parking services, payroll and my first lab meeting.

Then I am going home**.

I realize it is ridiculous to go home 4 days after I got here. And after only 2 days in the lab, but R-tH is out of the office till next Wednesday and I have a previously planned commitment with my old advisor next Wednesday anyway (who never got a name but will now be Kingfisher). So instead of reading and working in an empty lab, I'm going to read and work in my pet filled house. It was R-tH's suggestion actually. Which is one of the many reasons why she rocks.

*From a super nice key man. Key people CAN be nice!

**Maybe I'll be able to catch up on blogs finally. I'm working on it but have about 1000 unread posts in my bloglines right now...You all are a prolific bunch!

Back to reality

2009-01-13T11:51:00.009-05:00

Thanks to a neighbor with an unprotected wireless network and the Grackle's old, but functional laptop I am back! I moved and start my postdoc tomorrow. More on those later. More pressing is where I've been.

After our holiday trip to the Midwest, we jetted off to a lovely Caribbean island for vacation. VACATION! No work*, no futons, no standing commitments. I haven't been on such a trip since my last graduation and Grackle and I have never taken this type of trip together in 5+ years. Given the lack of work, family and the tropical nature of it, this might have been our honeymoon. We didn't plan it that way, but that is how folks at school interpreted it.

It was fabulous.

7 days of snorkeling, great beaches, hiking in the rain forest, kayaking, exploring an old city, good food and lots of rum. Fa-bu-lous. As a younger grad student, I balked at a labmate who took vacations at least once a year. Think of the missed experiments! The data! Now, I see why they did it. I doubt we will be able to take yearly trips, but hopefully it will not be 5 years till our next adventure. At least one long weekend away to a new, not necessarily far or exotic destination should be feasible for us and will be a good compromise between work and fun. The data will just have to wait**.

I'll add a few more later but for now, here is the only picture that would upload: Grackle on the beach.

*The only books Grackle brought were textbooks. While I worked my way through Middlesex he practically memorized all 3 of our island guidebooks.

**Alright, I say this now...let's see what I say when it is actually time to take another trip! I'm sure the exams, proposals, defenses, experiments and field seasons that have kept us from vacationing in the past will probably do so in the future....just..hopefully not as much...

RBOChristmas!

2008-12-22T00:03:00.003-05:00

I'm currently at my in-law's house and head to my hometown tomorrow. Here's some bulletz...

Damn, Major-Midwest-Metropolitan area are you trying to kill me? -6 degrees. Windchill of -40. Blizzard warnings. WTF!
My computer died upon arrival in the Midwest yesterday. Nothing happens when pushing buttons. Luckily, we were able to get my hard drive out and everything off of it.
Whew....because I did not back up anything recently! Like the final edits to my dissertation...
The lack of computer and holiday will make blogging light this week.
I was supposed to submit a paper this morning, but the dead computer kept me from doing so. Tonight, my advisor sent me a review paper about the exact same topic. Timing is everything!
I totally lost my fantasy football championship game today. It was super fun all season and the heartiest congratulations to the Grackle for kicking my ass and winning the whole thing!
In real football news- Go Bears! Playoff hopes are still alive if they win over the Pack tomorrow night. Bears football + current georgraphic location = love!
I'm totally put off my department/academia/the bs that goes along with it right now. A faculty member shared some information with me that they should not have. This put me in a very difficult position. I decided to tell them how uncomfortable knowing the info made me and that I felt it was inappropriate to tell me the info. Yeah, that did NOT go well. At. All.
Is it ever ok to stand up for yourself to faculty people?
Thankfully I still get to leave! Next week, I'm cleaning out my office and then not going back to the department, ever! Or at least until I have to for a joint conference presentation with my advisor next month...
The other consolation is getting away from it all for such an enjoyable week. We attended a big family party tonight and will relax with family and friends for the next few days. Not working for a few days is sooooo nice.

Well, with my laptop lacking state, I might not get to reading many blogs this week- I hope everyone has a great week and a nice, relaxing holiday. Travel safe and stay warm!!

Scary key lady

2008-12-17T15:37:00.004-05:00

This week I have been getting things set for the next phase of my academic life and tying up ends at my current institution. Luckily, Grackle will still be here if I miss anything. Some of these little things are fun. It is very exciting to renew all my society memberships and put my new information on them!

Other tasks I am dreading. Cleaning out my office is sloooooow going. Plus, with the holiday, I have to turn my keys in tomorrow. This is the worst task of all. The key lady is a miserable, old woman who seems to have no joy in life except making others suffer. She ignores you when you walk in, takes forever to check information and always lectures you about something. One time, after I spilled something, she yelled at me for taking paper towels out of the bathroom near her office. If you don't have your ID number....well, watch out!

There is just no possible way that my key-turn-in will go smoothly. I will be very lucky if I get my 2 dollar deposit back. This is my own fault though. When I started, I put lab tape on my keys to ID them and now, 5 years later, the lab tape is still there and it is not coming off. Even if the tape comes off- the gluey residue will not please the key lady.

I'm going to try some acetone tonight but any other suggestions for removing old lab tape?

I really don't want to get yelled at (and could use my 2 dollars)!!

UPDATE: I skipped the acetone (just did my nails) and scrubbed away (ok, grackle did it for me). It was clean enough and I got my money back. After perusing my file, she told me that I had returned all 10 keys I had over the years and was in her good favor. Who knew?

colors

2008-12-12T11:32:00.003-05:00

One cool thing about my new apartment is that the landlady is letting me pick colors for when she repaints. I'm tempted to do something trendy* but doubt I would actually go through with something like that. Maybe just for the bathroom or something....

The main living space is my main concern. In our house, we have a big red couch and a little red loveseat. I will be taking the loveseat with me. In an attempt to make my apartment all homey and awesome (because our house is both homey and awesome), I had the thought that I could have the apartment living room painted the same color as the living room in my house.

Is that weird?

*like purple, because I am loving purple right now.

Update on moving

2008-12-11T11:51:00.003-05:00

I looked at 6 places. Fell in love with the idea of living in a downtown area but nixed it since it was farther from school, more expensive and not dog friendly.

In the end there were only 2 to choose from.

1) 1 bedroom about 5 min from school. New (but very small) kitchen and new bathroom. Very cute. Boring, but safe location. Landlady works in my department. Listing said no pets, but she agreed to let me have visiting animals. Cats, dog and husband! Financially do-able, but I'm not going to be paying off any credit cards or buying a new Anthropologie wardrobe anytime soon.

2) 4 bedroom house with 3 roommates currently but one is moving out will not to be replaced. Nice house, nice roommates. One is afraid of dogs but willing to compromise. Other is allergic to cats. One in my department has reputation for being very social and a bit of a partier. Also seems to be a bit bossy/know-it-all (10 minute instructions to other roommate about exactly how she should cook fish...and it was only seasoning, butter and foil). One is a smoker, but only outside. But it is goodbye-credit-card-debt-hello-cute-shoes cheap!

I decided on the 1 bedroom. The whole roommate thing was a little too much for me. With the new job, an upcoming field season, and a house and husband in a different state I don't want to worry about whether or not it is my week to buy dish soap. The smoking roommate is an issue as well because smoke can trigger my migraines. That is not a risk I really want to take. Finally, while they tried to stress that I should feel at home and can use everything in the house as if it were mine, it just didn't feel like I would be comfortable.

Having my own space and being surrounded by my own familiar things sounds much more inviting. From our last long distance experience*, I know how miserable it can feel to be stuck in a place you hate far away from the people you love. If I am much less likely to hate my own apartment, that alone is going to be worth the extra money!

*when I lived in the trailer from hell because it was provided for free

Homeless

2008-12-08T22:16:00.003-05:00

While everything has been falling into place, I still don't have a place to live in Postdoc City. Tomorrow I am going to visit, see 5 apartments and meet 1 set of potential roommates.

Ack!

Apartments and roommates? It never occurred to me that I would be doing this again as an old married lady. I didn't even know where to start so I used Craigslist and it turns out that one landlady and the roommates are actually in my department at the new University!

The ideal place just doesn't seem to exist. If the roommate thing works out, it is only a 6 month lease, cheap as can be and has potential for the Grackle to bring the dog for weekends. No cats, ever. My own apartment, however will allow me to have my own space and potential for kitties to stay with me but this will cost at least twice as much. No dogs ever.

I'm trying to be open to all possibilities until I see everything and not freak out about it all. As a postdoc I'll basically live in the lab 16 hours a day anyway, right?

For Yooo-oo-oo-uuuuu--uu-uu

2008-12-07T20:55:00.003-05:00

There is a iPod nano commercial and Grackle just figured out some the first part of the lyrics

G: Ohhhh, 'I tried to do handstands for you'

Me: yeah.

G: What is that song? Who is it by?

Me: I dunno...you should buy that other iPod that has the application to ID songs, hold it up to this iPod commercial to find out the song

G: Yeah, good plan....goooood plan.

This little exchange brings me to 2 topics.

1) My computer is getting older and is slowing down a lot. I'm thinking of switching to a Mac. I have used and liked them before, but have never been in a position where it was an option due to finances. Is there anyone who has used a Mac and didn't like it?

2) The little exchange with Grackle is typical for us. The mundane, but hilarious (to us, at least) things that make up our days together. I love these things because we've done long distance before (two different 8 month periods spent 3000 miles away) and these little things are what I miss most. With my graduation and new position we will again be doing long distance. My postdoc is at a university about 2.5 hours from our current home and university. If he stays on schedule, he should graduate in 2.5 years. So, it is a longer period of time, but relatively close. I figure we will be able to see each other at least every 2 weeks (outside of field seasons when we travel).

Our situation is interesting not only because it is challenging to us, but because it challenges a lot of people's perceptions of what we should be doing. Despite being the woman and 7 years younger than Grackle, I am more advanced in my academic career and have been the one to strike out geographically. Our first bout of long distance was because I was secured to go to PhD town while he stayed to finish a degree. Grackle then followed me to PhD town. The second long distance stint was due to my project and funding. Now again, I am the one to move out away from our home. Family members and many friends don't understand why we would do this (or as some put it, 'why he lets' me do these things). As much as we love our life together, we know that where and how we live right now is not permanent. Ultimately, we will settle somewhere together and hopefully both have jobs that make us happy. Dealing with the long distance now will put us in a better position for that long term goal and that makes it worth it.

Somebody please remind me of this in about 3 months when I haven't seen Grackle in a month and am a miserable, complaining mess!

Happy Repeal Day!

2008-12-05T23:50:00.004-05:00

Have a drink (quick) because it is Repeal Day! The anniversary of the end of Prohibition. (It is the 5th....and I am posting at 11:58)

Our home is about 130 years old and located in a historic district. The historic society thinks that our house was a speakeasy in the time of Prohibition. Very cool- even more reason to celebrate although, we don't have a bathtub in which to make any gin....

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2008-12-02T22:49:00.004-05:00

Major transition time! I am set to turn everything in to the Dean tomorrow. For the first time since I was 4, I will no longer be classified as a student.

This is a little weird but it is nothing compared to what it really means. I have to move on. Like, for real and right now. In the next 6 weeks I will move to a charming new city, start in a new position in a new lab, new department, on a new project and study system. All this stuff is exciting, but moving on means leaving too. This week, talking about the details of turning in my keys was probably more difficult than my revisions.

The first transition I have to make is getting back to having a life! I can blog (and blog read) regularly again! We have piles of laundry you wouldn't believe and I haven't baked in months. The Grackle is happy to not cook every meal and I'm even excited about keeping the dishes clean these days. It might not be an exciting life, but it feels so nice to get back to it.

Final InaDWriMo 2008

2008-12-01T10:05:00.004-05:00

As promised- I have written no more after the dissertation. That was my goal and that was enough! I've been editing but haven't bothered to count as I go along.

I think the best thing about this exercise and my time-crunch-writing situation this semester has been to show me what some of my potential is. If I have to, I can write a lot in a short amount of time. I lived through it and it wasn't even that bad. In theory, there should be nothing stopping me from just sitting down and writing whenever I need to. Of course ,we all know that but the practice of actually doing it gets more complicated. I am hoping that when I get to my next set of papers or grant or whatever, I remember how to find this productivity and hopefully keep my writing momentum without a looming deadline.

Dissertation Day, illustrated

2008-11-23T20:41:00.005-05:00

To paraphrase one of my favorite movies ever,

'I can write a ~~hit play~~ dissertation. Why can't I have a little drink when I want to unwind myself?'

Brownie points if you can name it!

Also, I didn't really drink out of the bottle. It was staged....and, sadly, empty.

Finally Dr. Albatross!

2008-11-23T16:40:00.005-05:00

I successfully defended my dissertation on Friday! The public talk was well attended* and not too long **. I didn't really get nervous, in fact, after finishing it on Wednesday I was sort of at a loss for what to do with myself. Luckily, my mom was in town to distract me!

The actual defense part was not what I expected. It was not an exam so much as a conversation with a number of suggestions. My advisor was very diplomatic in figuring out what will actually need to be done vs. what all was talked about. After an hour in the room with my committee, I have to add a descriptive section (2 pages or so), 2 new stats test, and a reorganization of Chapter 3. It is all very doable in the 2 weeks I have until the Graduate College deadline! Yay!!

There was a little cake/champagne thing at school, happy hour and fancy dinner to celebrate on Friday. Since then, we have been lazing around, enjoying drinks, food and the company of my mom and the Grackle. Today I am watching my Fantasy Football players rack up my second straight loss*** and trying to stay warm. I haven't been outside really in 3 weeks- when did it start feeling like January?!

* I thought it wouldn't be. There was a training/seminar series for some new departmental equipment, however it was cancelled the day before.

**All my practices were really long (over an hour).

***But I'm still in 1st in my league and have already clinched my playoff spot.

Meme time

2008-11-19T11:44:00.004-05:00

Karina tagged me for the 5 things meme that is going around....

The rules:
~Complete meme and post.
~Email the person who tagged you to let them know it's up.
~Tag 5 others and email/comment to tell them so.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
-Living away from home for the first time (I was a freshman in college)

-Being introduced to my field and being inspired by the professor

-Planning to be a high school biology teacher

-Celebrating my 18th birthday by going to see my favorite band on Halloween in Vegas

-Hanging out at fraternity parties

5 things on my To-Do List Today:
-Pick up my mom from the airport
-Practice my talk
-Go to a seminar
-Happy hour/dinner at my favorite restaurant
-Do some reading vaguely related to my research but very related to faculty research

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:
-Pay off all of our credit cards and student loans
-Donate more to a number of good causes
-Move to a safer neighborhood
-Start some sort of award or scholarship for young women in my field
-Travel more with the Grackle

5 places I've lived:
-Midwestern suburbs
-Rural center of Midwest State

-Northern England
-Blue capitol city of a Big, Red State
-Small Mid-Atlantic city

5 jobs I've had:
-hardware store checkout person

-dance teacher
-1 hour photo technician
-cowgirl at a wild west theme park
-TA/RA

Blogs I tag: This has been going around so if you haven't done it- consider yourself tagged!

InaDWriMo and Presentation

2008-11-15T14:23:00.003-05:00

For all practical purposes, I've reached my goals and am done with InaWriMo for this year. My gratitude to Dr. Brazen Hussy for organizing again this year! The friendly competition added just a little extra to my deadline driven motivations to write. Plus, I wouldn't have counted words without it and seeing my progress also provided a little boost of much needed confidence each day.

Since sending the document to my committee, I have been putting together my talk. In my department, there is a public lecture followed by a private defense with the committee. I really enjoy giving talks, but this one is particularly challenging because it requires a lot of balance.

The department is very broad so I need to make sure everyone understands it without compromising the complex theoretical underpinnings of the research. Also, I need to balance the details with the big picture. My number one complaint about defenses I've seen is that they do not effectively convey why I should care about their research or where it fits in the greater scheme of our field. Now I am seeing how difficult it can be to compromise another slide of data for this larger background.

Then there is the PPT issue. I'm very picky about the aesthetics of presentations and am not 100% happy with any color scheme I've tried thus far. I really like the dark grey background with green and blue text and highlights that I've been using for about a year now....but it isn't new and fresh since I've used it for the past year. I even tried to make a color scheme that resembles to blog here! Unfortunately, it makes my figures look bland.

So, great interwebs...I ask your advice. What is the number one recommendation for the content of a dissertation lecture and what is the best PPT color scheme you've ever used?

Secrets to my InaDWriMo success

2008-11-12T21:56:00.003-05:00

ScienceGirl wanted me to post about how I am getting so much writing done for InaDWrMo.

I've already fulfilled more than my 8000 words and it is only the 12th!

Here are the keys to my success...

1) My committee wanted my dissertation last week. Literally, I had a guy say, 'Well if I could have it right now, that would be cutting it close." and that was last Thursday.

2) I had a meeting to turn it in today!

3) I don't have anything else to do. I'm not teaching, no lab work, only 3 hours of seminars/meeting a week.

4) The Grackle brings me food, coffee and beer so that the only reason I move from my writing chair from 10 am till midnight is to use the bathroom. This is on weekends only. On weekdays, I have to get my own lunch (which I usually skip) and coffee.

5) I didn't go outside during daylight from Thursday till Monday.

Ok, while all of those things are true, they aren't really helpful for anyone else trying to write. Here are just a few things that have been really helpful:

1) I have most of my reprints on pdf. Jumping from paper to paper to check details at the click of a button without having to rummage in the cabinet or my backpack has allowed me to move quickly through heavily referenced sections of writing.

2) Write a lot and then revise later. In fact, on Sunday night, I had sat in my chair working for 14 hours and had only increased my word count by 156.

3) Remember that writing has to be simple. Topic sentences for each paragraph, very simple sentence structures, re-stating complex ideas in clearer terms or examples are all things I try to remember.

4) Classical music seems to help. I have been listening to Vince Guaralidi's "A Charlie Brown Christmas" all week!

5) If someone (my advisor) is confused by what I write, I try to talk to him about it. If I can explain it in a conversation, I start over by using those exact words in the paper.

I am pretty close to being done with it! I turned in the whole thing to my advisor today and am waiting for comments. It will go to the committee tomorrow or Friday. My defense is official with a room and a flyer and everything.

Printing it out today was pretty cool. Seeing it in print was rather overwhelming....at least until I got butter from my bagel all over the title page...now on to the presentation!

Write or die

2008-11-10T23:54:00.002-05:00

I haven't tried it, but this might be one way to get your InaDWriMo word count up!

InaDWriMo update

2008-11-09T11:27:00.002-05:00

I am zooming right along with the ol' word count for InADWrMo. In fact, my goal will probably be reached today.

The third chapter is much larger than I thought...I predict that my committee will want it cut into two chapters but I will wait for them to tell me that. I am sending a full draft to my advisor today and then hopefully can finish revisions on the other two chapters while I await his comments.

I'm also fighting off sickness. It sucks. Coughing, tired, achy, ugh! On Friday night, my advisor asked me if I was sick or going through puberty because my voice is all crazy. The Grackle has me on a steady stream of vitamins, zinc and Day-Quil.

In other news, I am appalled by the behavior of some folks in my department. Grad students, postdocs, faculty- they are all crazy! The unfortunate thing is that I am leaving and can't do or say anything about it because it doesn't affect me personally (but at least I get to leave!). I wish I could help all my friends (and husband) who have to stay and deal with all these crazy people. I can only take what I've experienced and use that to make me a better postdoc/advisor/PI when it comes to be my time. Here are some of the things I will or won't do*:

won't drink in my office
won't drink in my lab
won't drink at lunch before coming in to do lab work
won't try to steal projects from other people, behind their back
won't give people who make me mad the silent treatment
won't expect my hand to be held or be told how to do things more than twice
will set standards and expectations for all lab personnel
won't change those standards due to personal relationships
won't actually cut and paste my expectations and lab philosophy from someone else's and put my name on it as author
won't forget to change the details to be specific to my current institution and research organism if I do use someone else's materials
won't live with my boss or someone who answers to me in the lab (except maybe while I look for a place of my own)
will accept that different things are accepted and expected at each institution. No matter what the ranking of that institution
won't think I'm better than anybody simply because I finished my degree
or because I came from a certain school
or because I'm a centrist about my subfield
won't be a condescending asshole to everyone I meet, even if it makes people think I'm funny

Wow, that felt good. Time to get back to work now!

*Not all of these occur at my current institution.

Duck! Here come more bullets!

2008-11-07T11:52:00.004-05:00

Just time for a quick update!

The last project from my time doing my MS (data collected Summer 2004) got accepted for publication this week! Yippee! It was a long struggle with horrible reviews along the way and 3 (I think, can't remember...maybe only 2) submissions.
I am supposed to defend 2 weeks from today.
2 freakin' weeks!
I am going to try on my defense outfit today. If it doesn't fit, I am buying this.
It might not fit. I have given up time to workout and have instead focused my stress relief efforts on eating lots of cheese and ice cream. And cookies. And breakfast sandwiches.
Have an appointment on Wednesday to give a draft to the dean. The committee needs it by next Friday or sooner. I am really appreciating that they are honest about the fact that they won't read it till right before the defense anyway.
I'm trying to finish the 3rd chapter still....am planning on sending everything but the discussion to my advisor today.
If I get that far, I am going to a dinner at my advisor's house for an invited speaker/ ex-student. Free food is a good motivator...must get back to work now...

InaDWriMo 2008

2008-11-01T13:26:00.003-04:00

That's right, it is International acaDemic Writing Month again!

My goal is to finish Chapter 2 and 3. And write an introductory chapter. Basically, finish the dissertation. I am really not sure about word counts since I have a lot of revising to do but I pledge to write at least 8000 words.

Time to get started!

RBO Giving up.

2008-10-31T17:17:00.003-04:00

I apologize in advance for the infrequent, short posts and poorly written blurbs that will occur between now and November 11. That's the day I am set to hand the diss to the Dean and my committee. Today, we have bullets....

I actually started this bullet posting 3 days ago. Hardly, time for bullets even....
Nothing in life would be as satisfying as smashing office neighbors' speaker phone. I know more about his grant money, family vacation plans and general business than necessary.
While my advisor writes random comments sometimes, he is awesome. So far, through 2 chapters, he has had a 24 hour turnaround for me. Awe-some!
Also awesome? The Grackle, who treated me to ice cream, pie, beer, pizza, and cookies all weekend.
Luckily, I'm back into the gym using the treadmills to make up for all those treats! I run faster when I'm stressed out.
Also totally awesome? My Halloween costume. After much angst about sending Chapter 2 to my advisor last night, I worked on my costume. Finished it this morning and can't wait to wear it tonight! I'll post it here for a brief period of time.
I applied for my degree today. I thought I might feel something about that but don't really. It's just paperwork.

Well, it is about time to turn Grackle into ZOMBIE Grackle for the evening. I hope everyone has a fun and safe Halloween! Are you (were you) dressed up as?

Still time for a meme...

2008-10-29T21:01:00.003-04:00

ScienceGirl tagged me for a meme so here goes.....

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write 6 random things about yourself.
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry has posted.

1. As a kid, I disliked pumpkin pie. Sometime during my MS, I suddenly loved pumpkin pie and that love has grown to all things pumpkin. Pumpkin rolls, muffins, bread, pumpkin scented candles, I'll take it all. My absolute favorite is pumpkin ale. I've tried at least 15 different brands and this is my favorite, but there is a close second...

2. The Grackle and I just booked tickets for our first non-work, non-family visiting vacation. We are going to Puerto Rico in January!!!

3. In the month between turning in my dissertation and going on vacation, I plan to spend about half my time getting the papers out and the other half being domestic. I'm going to finish knitting about 3 projects, sew a bunch of dresses for our trip and bake cupcakes like it is my freakin job.

4. We have two cats, who are both named after literary characters. They could not be more opposite. One is male, mean (to anyone other than me), and rather lanky. The other is female, loves every human, dog, cat, and bunny she's ever met and was stunted in her growth so has tiny legs and weighs only 6 lbs.

5. Our home used to be handicap accessible so there are no doors on the second floor. There are only curtains, even on the bathroom.

6. I think I just heard a gunshot outside.

I'm so behind on my bloglines, I have no idea who has or has not done this one. If you haven't, consider yourself tagged!

Comments on Chapter 1

2008-10-25T20:56:00.003-04:00

I sent my advisor a draft of Chapter 1 yesterday. It was still missing most of a discussion but he was willing to read it anyway. Most of his comments are in the intro. Here are a couple of real gems....

"C’mon, give a guy a break. This is too long to remember!"

After the first paragraph....

"the sentences are written fine but the paragraph is essentially a list that doesn’t have a clear direction"

But then after the first sentence of the second paragraph...

"huh?, I need some foreplay on this…maybe telling me about all the (specific things) first…which probably would be a good Introduction paragraph"

Gee, like the 'list' that you told me was directionless?

And the best.....

"I don’t understand what is the point of the previous paragraph. I don’t think you are going to test this with your experiments"

I'm very glad we are on the same page as to what the point of my experiment was.....the next few weeks are going to painful......

Wet hair

2008-10-20T21:40:00.005-04:00

I don't know why, but it seems like I shouldn't go to work with wet hair anymore. I doubt anyone ever notices and if they do, I doubt they care....but this morning I was overcome by the idea that I might look like a total slacker* by continuing this trend. It isn't like every year I go through this when it gets cold, it hasn't ever bothered me before. All of a sudden, it just seems like there is no way I should graduate if I can't even manage to take 5 minutes to dry my hair.

*and also like a wet poodle/drowned rat.

Writing and running

2008-10-18T16:58:00.006-04:00

Posting has been light but I have good reason----check out the sidebar! In addition to starting a blogroll (it isn't complete, if you'd like to be added please let me know in the comments), I have updated my writing progress. Progress bars won't work this time because I have no goals....just have to keep writing till it seems complete!

Life hasn't been all work and no play though. A few weeks ago, my officemate/friend/running buddy, Flamingo, encouraged me to sign up for a race for women's cancers. It is a good cause and the grad team would pay half the entrance fee so I signed right up. Of course at the time, we were running regularly so she convinced me* that we could totally do the 5 MILE race instead of the 5k. The messiness of dealing with all my data crap kept me from running for a few weeks earlier this month, although I had a few decent runs at RTL. After returning, Flamingo and I had a couple more runs but any real semblance of training was shot by that point.

The race was yesterday and we both went into it just hoping to run the whole thing, and finish closer to our 'easy' pace**. Of course, it was also not just 5 miles- we found out on Friday that it was actually 5.3 miles. Plus, all of a sudden it was cold!

The race itself was fun- I'm glad I did the longer one, as it was not crowded while the 5k had almost 6,000 people. Flamingo and I finished within a minute of each other and ended up running close to our fastest training pace***.

It would be really nice to continue running while I continue writing and finish. Running always helps me de-stress and I usually either work out some problematic thinking during the run or manage to completely shut work out of my brain altogether. It is one of the few things I have tried to make a priority but bad weather, shorter days and deadlines may be too difficult to keep it up.

*She is currently under the idea that the 5 mile was my idea. It wasn't, I promise.

**We are pretty comfortable and chatty at 10:00 min/miles.

***I managed 9:16 min/mile.

I guess I'm still a little mad....

2008-10-12T13:05:00.009-04:00

Dear Tech at RTL,

You have serious control issues. It always bugged me that you referred to my samples as your own and spoke as if you ran my project. In actuality, you have no idea the objectives of the study, the hypotheses tested, what the experiments were, what the analysis is or why the conclusions are important. That means it is NOT YOUR PROJECT.

You told me, and the PI of your lab, that it was impossible for me to go there and figure out your bench work. Fuck you. Despite your amazing organization (which completely rocks- someday I hope to use the mad skillz I learned from you in my own lab), you did not give me enough credit to understand the samples you ran or think critically about the problems, let alone fix them. Who the hell do you think you are? Is your bench work magic bench work that is run by elves and rainbows instead of reagents and machines? Instead, you told me that it would be better if I waited till you could return to the project (in January) and fix the errors since I wouldn't be able to do it. Seriously, what kind of person builds up a situation so that not only my data depends on you, but now also my graduation and paycheck come next semester?

I am soooo sick of playing nice with you in fear of my data being held hostage or messed up on purpose. Turns out- you messed it up anyway! Luckily, I have my data now, I got it myself and I don't need you or your petty little games anymore.

Flowers and sausages,

Albatross

p.s. Your PI and I agreed over a year ago that your name isn't on any of these papers!

Optimistic and going home

2008-10-08T17:09:00.006-04:00

I'm out in Remote Technical Lab (RTL) and have been working away. Things are going well and I am optimistic* about my ability to fix the data, finish things here and get home. I am wrapping things up today and heading home tomorrow, actually.

For anyone who didn't come over from the other blog, my history with RTL is a long, complicated one. It is located near a field site and I visited in 2006 to make possible connections. That worked well so my advisor and I wrote a grant, got funding and I moved to RTL in January 2007. Here I lived for 8 months during which time I completed the project we were funded for while running all the experiments for my dissertation in my spare time. I was miserable most of the time, had very few-outside-of-work friends and was living in an ex-FEMA trailer that pretty much had no kitchen or bathroom**. When I left, there were still samples to be analyzed and leaving them was a difficult decision. It isn't ideal to rely upon others for your work-but sometimes you have to. The lab had an out of sight, out of mind attitude towards me and my work so I waited over a year to get the results. That brings us to the samples being messed up and my coming back here to try to figure it all out.

I spent this week pouring over the tech's lab notebook and the analyses looking for patterns. After finding them, it turns out there was a technical error that accounted for most of the errors and I was able to reanalyze those samples. The fact that it all worked is amazing- I usually have really bad luck at the bench after a period away. It has been a year since I did bench work and this week resulted in the prettiest data I have ever produced. Fixing the errors did change the downstream analyses of the data so in addition to feeling confident about the changes in the data I made, the resulting conclusions will be more interesting.

I'll be on another 7:30am flight tomorrow.

*I'm also mad as hell but that will be my next post.

**I had to shower in a different trailer and seriously, the toilet didn't work.

Review of the worst. week. ever.

2008-10-04T11:06:00.004-04:00

This was my week......

Monday: Find out my data might be seriously messed up. Begin questioning all future plans such as graduation and postdoc. Cry a lot.

Tuesday: Decide that a trip to remote technical lab is required. I did work in this lab for 8 months and they ran these samples for me after I left. Curse relaying on anyone else for data.

Wednesday-Friday: Learn all I can about the problems and how to fix them. Curse having a major part of my project be something that no one at my university has expertise with.

Friday night: Finally stop worrying for 4 hours and go out on a date with the Grackle. See an amazing concert that makes everything right in the world. I've wanted to see this guy for years and it was worth the wait!

Saturday: Back to reality, preparations for leaving, and watching the last ditch effort by the Cubs* tonight.

Sunday: 6 am flight to remote lab.

The status of internet at the remote lab is questionable so I might not be able to post till I get back. Even more fun, I don't even know when I will be back!

Hopefully, the remote nature of the place will allow me to resume being productive on writing the dissertation. All writing has pretty much stopped as I deal with data issues.

This was really a rock-bottom week for me and I spent a lot time just trying to hold it together. It was often a fight to stay proactive in the situation instead of just reacting to it. Hopefully, there will be more entries on the situation but for now, I have to get back to packing not only all my clothes but also my office into a single suitcase.

*The last two games have been painful. What happened Lou????

Trip

2008-09-26T22:20:00.004-04:00

Well, we made it to Midwest Hometown (I think I've called it about 4 different names. Need to pick one and stick with it). Our trip was eeeeh, not so good. The dog threw up. Twice. Before we even made it to the highway. There was traffic and it is H.O.T. out! I thought it was fall while the Grackle was worried about not bringing a jacket. Instead, it was 86 degrees for the 12 hour drive in the car without a/c. I'm wearing shorts for the trip back.

The dress I bought didn't fit, but my BFF might wear it to the rehearsal dinner tonight. There was a different one I tried on 3 weeks ago but was just waaay to expensive. Well, it went on sale (60% off!) and I snatched it up. Yay! Pretty things!

Back to the debate......

WTF

2008-09-24T11:09:00.005-04:00

So, this animal rights group wants ice cream made of breast milk? For reals?

I admit, I don't know that much about babies or breastfeeding. But just the idea of mass market production of breast milk seems pretty creepy. Not because it is breast milk but because they make a helluva lot of ice cream.

In the letter they go into how wrong it is that cows are impregnated every nine months to assure production of enough milk to support the industry. So, how are you going to assure production of human breast milk? How many pregnant women would it take to produce as much milk as 1 pregnant cow* in the first place?

I guess there should be enough if all of us are having lots of babies like we are supposed to.

Ugh.

* did I really just ask that?

A bit more on reject but resubmit

2008-09-22T09:48:00.009-04:00

As I recently mentioned, I was recently invited to resubmit a paper despite receiving all negative reviews. In discussions of a similar (but also very different) situation, someone suggested that that this might be a way for the journal to have first dibs on the paper at a later date. This may be very common when journals compete for papers. In this case, there are a handful of similar journals (in impact factor, speciality, etc.) that would be just as appropriate for the paper, so it is feasible that these journals compete. Plus, it is an awesome idea so obviously all the journals would want our paper*.

All these similar journals compete for your submissions in the first place and others recently summarized how you might pick a journal. We chose this current journal because it had a pretty short turnaround time, published related papers and I've never published there before.

This brings up another positive effect for the journal though. They publish the dates of receipt and acceptance and then you judge where to send your manuscript (in part) based on this. By going through a round of reject and resubmit- you can take care of a lot of the big problems with the manuscript. The next round of reviews will be easier to deal with and (in theory) be fixed more quickly.

Therefore, if the journal publishes the receipt date of the resubmission and then the acceptance they can decrease the time to publication and ultimately attract more/better papers.

Unfortunately, this could all be a crap idea brought upon by too much coffee and my increasingly boring dots**. I don't actually know if journals actually publish the original submission or resubmission date. Or if there has been an increase in this decision with increasing competition among journals. Any thoughts?

*You know, except for the 2 that already rejected it.

**I'm almost done, and left the boring samples till the end.

My demise

2008-09-21T14:39:00.005-04:00

If the Grackle is upset about the prospects of my graduating and moving (not too far) away, he should just say so.

Instead, he is plotting my dissertation writing demise by signing up for a big fancy tv package. It is sports inspired, and it will actually be cheaper (and far more comfortable) than spending every Sunday at the sports bar eating nachos and watching our team.

Temptation, thy name is 250 channels.

Time to re-evaluate working from home.

UPDATE: The equipment is actually incompatable with our 130 year old house. No new channels for us!

Seminar vs. Wedding

2008-09-21T12:04:00.005-04:00

We have been planning on going to a wedding back home since early this year. Of course, now I realize that our plans conflict with a seminar speaker that I should see. The seminar series was not announced until long after our plans were made and I feel guilty for ditching one of the only talks that actually relates to topics of my dissertation. My research is concerned with view x of a thing while a lot of the profs in my department are more interested in view y of the thing. The talk is on view y...so it is of interest and I can see getting questions on it when I defend. Plus, it would be really interesting to meet the speaker and get his feedback on my research.

I am trying to resist my grad school cultivated guilt. Staying for the talk means changing our travel plans. We have a 12 hour drive and would drive a day, wedding day, drive back. We wouldn't get to see our families and it will be more stressful than fun.

There was a time when I would worry more about what people would think about my skipping seminar, but not at this point in my grad career. I'm older, crankier and there is just no way I'm driving 24 hours to be in town for only about 36. I'll make sure my advisor is ok with my plans and be on my way.

In other wedding related news- I have been searching for a dress to wear. It is a fancier wedding than I've been to as it is in a huge university chapel with a swanky country club reception. All of my dresses are more appropriate for summer/outdoor/informal affairs. The only other option is what I wore to the bride's brother's wedding last year. Different wedding, same dress? I think not.

So, I am buying a new dress and I love it so, so much. After calling 4 stores in East Coast State, none of them have it. I called 5 stores in Midwest State. One said they could get it from TX for me and I was about to give up*. Then, like magic, there was one dress in my size in the store that had been on an expired hold.

This is the dress I bought without seeing or trying on...

If it doesn't fit, I'll cry**.

*Apparently, it was on the Today Show and they are selling like hot cakes.

**And sell it to my bff, who also loves it.

Working from home- all day long!

2008-09-17T09:39:00.008-04:00

Trying to work from home, be it writing or dealing with dots, is a dangerous game. Sometimes everything falls into place and you write 5 pages and sometimes you end up falling asleep on the couch with a cat on your head. So, in the spirit of what I've really been up to. Today I am live blogging my working from home.

The goal: I need to catch up on my dots. After writing and going into school yesterday, I feel behind and want to catch up. The most I've ever accomplished in one day is 7 samples. Trying to beat that today.

The setting: My living room. The couch is big, red, and comfy. A laptop stand makes it easy to type/do data stuff for long periods of time. I used to work at the dining room table and my desk but chairs in those places hurt my back after about 3 hours. There are two cats running around and 1 dog laying on his own couch upstairs. The most distracting/annoying aspect of working here is the buzzing of heaters/filters for the 6 aquaria in this room.

But it is already almost 10 am! Why am I not working yet? Well, I had a filling fall out and had to get it fixed this morning despite my dentist phobia. The dentist was nice enough but the experience of having to go in the first place was still a bit traumatic. Then I stopped to get coffee and either there was a fender-bender and run in the parking lot OR somebody tried to steal a woman's car while she was inside. She asked me to call 911 for her, but I'm still not exactly sure what happened. Never a dull moment.

Time to get to work though!

9:30-10am: check emails, blog.

10:15: Starting first sample.

10:43: Grackle comes home unexpectedly to get a pipe cutter that he needs at school. He comes in the front door (which he rarely does) and scares the crap out of me. I thought we were being broken into. AND I had to redo part of the sample because he distracted me.

11:15: Starting second sample.

12:00pm: My face is still numb and I wish I had some Doritos. The Buffalo and Blue Cheese ones with the two kinds of chips in one bag....mmmmmmm....

2:30: Just finished up the 4th sample and prepping for a meeting later this afternoon. Lunch time!! This brings me to the best aspect of working from home. It makes me healthier. Instead of picking up a quick sandwich somewhere or worse- forgoing food altogether until I fill up on cookies at the seminar- I am enjoying some beans and rice. Plus when I need a little break, I can stretch with some yoga or run the dog around the backyard instead of walking down the hall to the desk with the candy.

3:30: Meeting canceled. Woo hoo! Doing laundry instead.

5:30: Reached my usual number of 6 samples.

5:45: Going running and will tie my record of 7 samples afterwards!

Beating overcommitment, but not really

2008-09-13T19:59:00.007-04:00

I have a tendency to do overcommit myself. I like going to conferences, collaborating and starting new projects so usually there is a lot going on all at once. But right now I have to cut back on these things otherwise I'll never graduate. Must focus! All attention on graduation!* It is really difficult to say no to people, particularly when I really want to do other things. So what have I been turning down?

1) My 10 year high school reunion

2) A conference in a beautiful place in Mexico the weekend my draft is due to the dean (there was even travel money available!)

3) An invited seminar tacked onto the end of that conference

4) Another conference that my collaborator (who is organizing a symposium) is trying to talk me into going/contributing to. This is the week I am hoping to defend.

5) My departments' informal student seminar series (not so much a turning down as a refusal)

There are some things that I just can't say no to/give up so the Grackle and I will be heading to our Mighty Midwest Hometowns for a wedding later this month. We are also hosting some friends visiting in October.

On the work end of things, I heard back about my final paper that was submitted this summer. This was the second journal I've sent this paper too (first submission was in Jan 2007). The reviews from that first journal were so bad that I was told there may not be anything to salvage from the work. Salvage, I did! And this time the results were a bit better- two out of three negative reviews, yet we are still got that lovely gem of 'reject but resubmit'.

I really don't have time for this right now but can't really say no to it. Hopefully the reviews will seem easier to handle after I ignore them for 2 days but they still are going to say, 'test more dots' and 'test a different type of dot'. I no longer have access to those dots so if the editor really, really expects more dots, we are in for a flat out rejection. It just seems weird that we were asked to resubmit with these major additional experiments. The editor does similar tests and knows that redoing them in the time frame for resubmission is impossible. The worst part of this is the time frame- we have 6 short weeks to resubmit. 6 weeks! They have had the paper since June (12 weeks to be exact) but we don't even get that long to rewrite it?

So, what to do besides bitch about it? I sent it to my coauthor, who is also getting to the end of her PhD and has a habit of not getting back to me for months at a time (between her fieldwork, her husband's fieldwork, and sometimes just being a flake). Surprisingly, she is in the country and sees this as a worthwhile endeavor. I'll have a true re-vision of the paper in 3 days (because she is an amazing superstar when she actually calls me back). We will have to write some strong rebuttals and hope for the best.

*And, uh, blogging. With a side of football. But I can totally work and watch football at the same time.

Fundable research project

2008-09-09T15:32:00.003-04:00

Somebody needs to write an NIH grant to study Paula Deen. How on Earth is that woman still kickin' while eating crap like this?* The picture alone is worth clicking the link but it comes down to this: 1/2 burger + bacon + egg fried in butter sandwiched between 2 Krispy Kreme donuts. Gee, Paula, you forget the cheese!

*Ok, she probably doesn't actually eat any of the food she writes recipes for.

2 acceptances in 2 days!

2008-09-09T10:29:00.003-04:00

My lab has seen a flurry of manuscript submissions this year. We are all trying to get side projects finished and published. My advisor (who needs a good bird name) has long term projects that he rotates new students onto and smaller projects to be completed in the lab during your first couple of years before you are really set on your own dissertation research. Many times these smaller projects are pilot studies or will eventually be a part of your larger project, but not always. I was involved on 2 large, long term projects and 2 small lab projects. All 4 will result in something published with my name on it but only one is even remotely related to my dissertation work (and only because it is on similar types of dots).

In the big push to get all my non-dissertation stuff out, I have submitted or resubmitted 5 times this year. Yesterday morning I got the email that the biggest of these (in importance to me and in journal quality) is finally accepted!!!! Yay!!!!! The journal has a quick turnaround so it might even be out this year*!

Then, this morning I heard back about a second paper. Also accepted!! Woo freakin Hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is a big relief in getting the first paper out- we didn't have a backup journal planned and to be honest, I was starting to get really discouraged. Altogether, I've been rejected on various papers 7 times in a row and it was starting to get to me. People have different views on rejections and it seems that for every well meaning 'If you are not getting rejected, you are not aiming high enough' comment there is a careless 'If you are getting rejected, your work obviously isn't good enough'. The second paper is a big relief for our last author. She submits her tenure packet tomorrow and can move this to her "In Press" list before it goes out!

It is so nice to get some much needed some good news on the publication front. It makes me excited to get back to writing! Having a lighter load with these projects finally off my back makes everything a little easier...

* I would really like a 2008 paper.

Let the games begin!

2008-09-07T15:54:00.003-04:00

I know some of you out there are ready for football season!! The Grackle and I are big fans of our hometown teams from the Windy City so you know we will be cheering on the worst QB the NFL has ever seen tonight against one of the leagues best*.

This year marks my first foray into fantasy football though. I ended up with a terrible team after the draft. It was laughable, but after adding a few long shots and a few new guys, I'm just hoping for the best. So far, I'm losing but most of my guys haven't played yet...

Hope you are all having a great Sunday!!

* At least the Cubs haven't blown it yet!

Dot-ology

2008-09-06T11:33:00.003-04:00

One of the cool things about my department is that students are put in offices with students from other labs and walks of research life. My two officemates are basically both in different programs. At another university, we would all be in different departments. Despite this, when we get into the data collection phase, we all speak the same language because when it comes down to it, we all just count dots. After careful and difficult manipulations, one officemate counts different colored dots, the other counts differently shaped dots and I have done quite a bit of dot counting in my time as well.
Currently, I am seeing what happens to a dot over time and the way my experiments were run, I can observe my dots from the comfort of my AC lacking, cat and dog filled home*. Unfortunately, collecting dot data is tedious and boring. After a few hours, I can hardly see straight and my mind is mush. I am about halfway through and can't wait to be done.

...back to the dots....

* post coming soon on wonders of working from home.

Mapping out the semester

2008-09-02T17:31:00.004-04:00

Thanks for all the good wishes about the postdoc! I am still super psyched and am trying to carry that excitement over to my remaining dissertation work. Here is what is left to do:

1) Finish data collection for Chapter 3. Another lab is processing samples for me while I collect the rest. This is hugely time intensive and really, really boring. Really.
2) Analyze data. Need to use a new program for this but have done a lot of groundwork/reading about it.
2) Write up Chapter 2. Everything is done, it has been analyzed, presented at conferences and I'm 2200 words into a first draft. Not many, but it is started.
3) Write up Chapter 1. Should be fairly straight forward.
4) Write up Chapter 3/4. This might be two chapters depending on the data.

In the past 9 months or so, I haven't been great about keeping deadlines for myself. While a lot got done, I had plans to get even more done and wasn't bothered by pushing back, say, my goal date to submit Chapter 2, in order to finish up side projects.

Now it is urgent to finish the dissertation. Thankfully, my fellowship for this semester will help me meet the following new deadlines:
September 30th: Chapters 1 and 2 drafts to advisor. Finish data collection.
October 31st: Chapter 3/4 analysis completed and draft to advisor.
November 11: Complete draft to Dean.
November ?: Defend dissertation.
December 5: Free from the shackles of grad student life forever!

It is really strange that my day planner is getting more use now than ever, despite the lack of classes, assignments, meetings, etc etc etc!

Best news ever!

2008-09-01T19:17:00.003-04:00

After talking with my potential postdoc advisor today, it is no longer a potential.

I have a postdoc! Starting in January!!*

The project is good, the advisor is awesome, lots of potential for collaboration and flexibility to grow scientifically, plus it is pretty much the closest I can geographically be to the Grackle and our nest without compromising my scientific interests.

The biggest surprise of it all was that after looking at her numbers, she has offered me two guaranteed years of funding instead of just one. The situation could not be better.

It is all still sinking in.......

*Holy shit, I have to finish now....

Antisocial and uninterested

2008-08-28T22:54:00.004-04:00

All the new grad students are here! They got here last week but I was at a loss for what to say about them. Now, I can clearly say that I couldn't care less about most of them. It is a big class and only 2 are in my program, 1 in my lab and 1 in the Grackle's. These two are alright. They both have stayed with us during interviews, we all get along and they seem like pretty good students.

The others, ohhh the others. Seem young, clueless and they annoy the crap out of me. One in particular. Without asking I already know his SAT scores, college scholarship amounts, how much his friends in industry make and how much he will make in industry just 5 short, easy years from now.
Right after he shared that tidbit, I shared that my cohort had 5 students in his program.
And how there is only 1 left.
He was really excited about how quickly the others graduated.
Ha!
No one from my cohort has graduated yet. I might be the first and with tools like these around, that can't come quick enough!

I don't remember being this snarky about the new students ever before. Are they extra special this year or am I too old? Too close to finishing? No matter what, I just can't handle them.

The ultimate betrayal

2008-08-26T11:09:00.004-04:00

Last year I taught a full lecture class due to a reduced load for a new hire. This year that professor is teaching the class and when asked, I contributed all of my resources (notes, syllabus, ppts, exams).
I was ok with it.
Until, I saw the first lecture.
More than half the lecture is made up of my slides. Alright, whatever, if I had an issue with this I shouldn't have given out my lectures.

What bugs me is that the professor made one change and one change only.
They put the titles in Comic Sans.

---Begin rant---

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anything but Comic Sans!!!!!!!*
Its characteristics are too casual for a lecture. It does not convey appropriate professionalism, let alone a first-class-of-the-semester-I'm-the-prof-not-your-buddy attitude. It conveys that your bake sale is for a really good cause. Or that your dance party starts at 8 pm sharp.

---End rant---

*Sorry for the rant if you love the Sans. I think it is great for a lot of things. Just not lectures. Or conference presentations. I had a labmate that used it (in turquoise-bold on a background of a watermarked field picture) for a conference talk. Red Phalarope and I all but threatened to disown her if she did it in her dissertation defense. She tried. We somehow talked some sense into her.

Songs meme

2008-08-25T13:11:00.003-04:00

I never got tagged for this one but couldn't resist after LuckyBuzz just posted it recently...

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Tag seven others to see what they’re listening to.

1. Death to Los Campesinos, Los Campesinos
2. Plasticities, Andrew Bird (ok, the whole 'Armchair Apocrypha' album)
3. Walcott, Vampire Weekend
4. The Sound of Settling, Death Cab for Cutie
5. I Would Hurt a Fly, Built to Spill
6. St. Augustine, Band of Horses
7. Fleet Foxes new album. I don't know any track names because The Grackle makes me listen to it in the car basically everyday.

I'm not tagging but feel free to do/re-do this one if you want!

Last weekend of freedom

2008-08-23T11:19:00.004-04:00

Classes start for us on Monday. By 'us' I mean everybody else. I am not teaching this semester and was done with classes a while ago. It will be nice to get back into a more strict routine. Hopefully it will help increase my productivity!

Before we get into the shitstorm of the semester though, I am trying to have a nice, relaxing weekend. During the week, I thought it might be possible to get to my HomeTown for my 10 year high school reunion. In the end, deciding that it was more important to get back for a wedding next month, I didn't go. Instead, I am working on paper revisions (and more revisions, and more revisions), catching up on blogs and making a dress with plans for a date night with the Grackle: dining al fresco followed by a double feature at the drive-in*. Now I am very pleased with my decision because that sounds way more fun than paying a bunch of money to hang out with drunk people I didn't know or haven't talked to since high school!**

*I think I might be the only person who hasn't seen The Dark Knight yet!
** Although my BFF will be there and I will miss seeing her till next month.

Biggest news....

2008-08-19T22:48:00.004-04:00

The biggest news from the conference is still sinking in. I did a lot of networking with potential future PIs and it went well. A few might be getting money soon, another would try to write something with me...all good things but not amazing. Anybody getting money lives very far from the Grackle and my's current nesting site and writing something means at least a year of waiting/rejection/rewriting/hoping.
Then I had a meeting with my number one choice of postdoc PI, who is also one of my outside committee members for my dissertation. She has some money right now and in previous meetings we have talked about the possibility of my working in her lab. Well, she is still interested (as am I) and we are planning to talk about dates next week. There is a high possibility that she wants me to start in January. Which means I have to finish this degree. Soon. Really soon.

Commence freakout mode!!!!

Validation of cute shoes everywhere!!

2008-08-17T22:41:00.010-04:00

The question of what to wear at a conference is a big one, especially if you are presenting/looking for a job/trying specifically to impress. Last year I was in the middle of a long, hot, gross field season and went all out- skirts every day. It was a reaction to my working conditions at the time and probably a little bit ridiculous. I've also been known to wear bright, bright red for presentations. Love the power color!

This year, I was more concerned with comfort as it was a loooong week and I'd never been to this particular meeting so wasn't sure what the norm was. Turns out there were some of the most stylish (and also sloppiest) folks I've seen all at one meeting. Giant scarves galore! Yay!

I've been known to say that I might not be brilliant but at least I have cute shoes. The same notion applies to clothes so here is the dress selected for my talk:

Professional and stylish yet not too frivolous was the goal. I felt that it looked good and didn't give it another thought.....till the post banquet outdoor bar party. I sat down near a few other women I had met earlier in the week and scanned the nametags of others in our little circle. One guys name was very familiar, due to being very famous. Like, read-his-papers-my-first-year famous*. We chat and in addition to telling me that he really enjoyed my talk he also mentions that I ... 'had on a really smart dress.' Of course, this started the whole conversation of how the often-outdoors-based-research we do influences how we dress. Personally, I appreciate getting dressed up- or even just dressed in 'business casual' and am happy for opportunities to do so. Not everyone agrees. The Grackle is very much of the mindset that his work is the same whether or not he is wearing matching socks**.

I know that we shouldn't judge based on appearance... but we do. Depending on your subfield, a suit for an interview is either required or laughable. Despite my concern for dress at conferences/teaching/tests this was the first time that it was really verified that someone important took notice of me because of how I presented myself.

I always thought it mattered and well, there you go. Weird. And it sort of makes me want to go shopping.....

*I'm still kicking myself for being intimidated and not talking to him very much. Really thought I was over that by now.

**which, don't worry, he usually does.

Conference recovery weekend

2008-08-16T21:43:00.003-04:00

We (as a lab) made it back from our conference in one piece, although some of us-not me, of course ;) more hungover than others. It was just the second conference for my labmate, Short-toed Eagle. Last year he was very ill throughout our trip so didn't have much fun but made up for it this year! My other labmate, Red Phalarope, and I have both been there ourselves in our younger years but were happy to avoid the drinking-too-much this time around.

I had a great time socially and professionally. Most importantly was my talk. It ended up being in the worst room and my session was at the same time as a session filled with famous people on a related topic. I was still happy with the turnout and seeing a few key people who made sure to be there. The talk itself has gone smoother (I've presented it twice before and was a little nervous this time around) but overall, very pleased with it. Even more pleased that it was over early in the conference so I could relax, enjoy the science and focus on networking.

More on that later, I need to enjoy being home and watch the Olympics right now!

Conference time

2008-08-09T11:32:00.006-04:00

I am headed to this years Big International Conference this week. We are leaving at 4 am tomorrow to drive to ConferenceTown in time for the first speakers. Which means I have to be dressed and presentable to important people before I even leave my house. Places that sell coffee aren't even OPEN that early!

This is the biggest conference in my subfield and I am really hoping to do some postdoc related networking. The two people I have spoken to about working with (one in and one out of my preferred geographic area) will both be there and have been in contact recently. I really dropped the ball though and didn't pre-conference contact any other potential PIs. It just didn't happen, so instead I am relying on impromptu networking skills: a keen eye and ability to approach when isolated during coffee breaks, or at least the ability to stand around awkwardly until someone finishes a conversation and realizes that you exist and look like you want to talk to them. Heh.

In less nerve wracking networking- there is a woman who I met at my (and her) first conference 5 years ago. She has done really well, with great pubs and a high-powered, international postdoc. I am really excited to meet up with her and catch up. Plus, my first blogger meet-up! Yay!

I'm going to be busy until we leave at the crack of pre-dawn....
To do:
~~Finish talk~~
~~Practice talk~~
~~Do a voodoo dance to ensure that videos in presentation will work~~
~~Upload talk (6 pages of instructions on how to do this. hope I can figure it out)~~
~~Go to Target~~
Buy detergent/fabric softener/assorted other things (I <3>
Workout
Iron clothes
Pack
~~Have nice dinner with the Grackle~~
Do nails
Re-read recent/relevant literature

New Dr.!!

2008-08-07T22:53:00.007-04:00

My friend, Kookaburra**, defended her dissertation yesterday. When I started my PhD program, everyone always told me 'Oh, you and Kookaburra would get along great!' because we both like crafts, music and large Southern states. Well, it was true. In addition to always having a super fun time together, she had a very different path than me in starting and getting through grad school. Overcoming different personal issues, academic setbacks, and difficult advisors; her experiences have taught me a lot.

One of her favorite sayings is "You define your own success." It is hard to remember this little gem when those people you look up to and learn from (profs and advisors) often have a very narrow view of success (tenure track position at a research institution) and a tendency to pass judgment quickly (anything else = complete and utter failure). Whether it is a family, a job at a teaching institution or a geographically limited postdoc, no one should make you feel bad about what you want. Despite this, they often do intentionally and unintentionally. That's seriously messed up. I applaud Kookaburra for having a full life in and out of science/academia and hope I can remember to define my own success even with her on the other coast*.

Congrats Dr. Kookaburra!!

* she also has a penchant for leaving inspirational post-its around her house. Maybe my desk plant will get one with this saying on it.

**Edited because I forgot to look up the spelling of Kookaburra. I'm new to birds. Please forgive me.