Questioning your research

Today one of the senior grad students in my lab asked me if, when I was a grad student, I ever felt like my research was crap and questioned if the hours, weeks, years of effort put into the research was really worth it.

Obviously she doesn't read any blogs.

My answer was a resounding yes. Having not yet published my dissertation, I'm still half convinced that it isn't good enough! Anyway, I tried to reassure her that pretty much all grad students question their decisions and research at one time or another. Even the confident, brilliant, successful ones (I'm lucky to count some of them as my friends). At this point, another grad student, a 2nd year who is just starting to figure out his research plan, skeptically asked, 'Everybody? So you think I will too?'

Seriously, does no one read blogs?

My answer was, again, a resounding yes and that it would probably be when he and his fiance want to start a family but he has 2 field seasons left that will require long trips and long hours in the lab with no weekends off. The look on his face told me I nailed it.

Having dealt with impostor syndrome, questioning my research and thinking it is crap is pretty second nature to me. I want to know what these students are doing to get through grad school without second guessing themselves!

Scary key lady

This week I have been getting things set for the next phase of my academic life and tying up ends at my current institution. Luckily, Grackle will still be here if I miss anything. Some of these little things are fun. It is very exciting to renew all my society memberships and put my new information on them! 

Other tasks I am dreading. Cleaning out my office is sloooooow going. Plus, with the holiday, I have to turn my keys in tomorrow. This is the worst task of all. The key lady is a miserable, old woman who seems to have no joy in life except making others suffer. She ignores you when you walk in, takes forever to check information and always lectures you about something. One time, after I spilled something, she yelled at me for taking paper towels out of the bathroom near her office. If you don't have your ID number....well, watch out!

 

There is just no possible way that my key-turn-in will go smoothly. I will be very lucky if I get my 2 dollar deposit back. This is my own fault though. When I started, I put lab tape on my keys to ID them and now, 5 years later, the lab tape is still there and it is not coming off. Even if the tape comes off- the gluey residue will not please the key lady. 

I'm going to try some acetone tonight but any other suggestions for removing old lab tape? 

I really don't want to get yelled at (and could use my 2 dollars)!!

UPDATE: I skipped the acetone (just did my nails) and scrubbed away (ok, grackle did it for me). It was clean enough and I got my money back. After perusing my file, she told me that I had returned all 10 keys I had over the years and was in her good favor. Who knew? 

Seminar vs. Wedding

We have been planning on going to a wedding back home since early this year. Of course, now I realize that our plans conflict with a seminar speaker that I should see. The seminar series was not announced until long after our plans were made and I feel guilty for ditching one of the only talks that actually relates to topics of my dissertation. My research is concerned with view x of a thing while a lot of the profs in my department are more interested in view y of the thing. The talk is on view y...so it is of interest and I can see getting questions on it when I defend. Plus, it would be really interesting to meet the speaker and get his feedback on my research.

I am trying to resist my grad school cultivated guilt. Staying for the talk means changing our travel plans. We have a 12 hour drive and would drive a day, wedding day, drive back. We wouldn't get to see our families and it will be more stressful than fun.

There was a time when I would worry more about what people would think about my skipping seminar, but not at this point in my grad career. I'm older, crankier and there is just no way I'm driving 24 hours to be in town for only about 36. I'll make sure my advisor is ok with my plans and be on my way.

In other wedding related news- I have been searching for a dress to wear. It is a fancier wedding than I've been to as it is in a huge university chapel with a swanky country club reception. All of my dresses are more appropriate for summer/outdoor/informal affairs. The only other option is what I wore to the bride's brother's wedding last year. Different wedding, same dress? I think not.

So, I am buying a new dress and I love it so, so much. After calling 4 stores in East Coast State, none of them have it. I called 5 stores in Midwest State. One said they could get it from TX for me and I was about to give up*. Then, like magic, there was one dress in my size in the store that had been on an expired hold.

This is the dress I bought without seeing or trying on...

If it doesn't fit, I'll cry**.

*Apparently, it was on the Today Show and they are selling like hot cakes.

**And sell it to my bff, who also loves it.

Antisocial and uninterested

All the new grad students are here! They got here last week but I was at a loss for what to say about them. Now, I can clearly say that I couldn't care less about most of them. It is a big class and only 2 are in my program, 1 in my lab and 1 in the Grackle's. These two are alright. They both have stayed with us during interviews, we all get along and they seem like pretty good students.

The others, ohhh the others. Seem young, clueless and they annoy the crap out of me. One in particular. Without asking I already know his SAT scores, college scholarship amounts, how much his friends in industry make and how much he will make in industry just 5 short, easy years from now.
Right after he shared that tidbit, I shared that my cohort had 5 students in his program.
And how there is only 1 left.
He was really excited about how quickly the others graduated.
Ha!
No one from my cohort has graduated yet. I might be the first and with tools like these around, that can't come quick enough!

I don't remember being this snarky about the new students ever before. Are they extra special this year or am I too old? Too close to finishing? No matter what, I just can't handle them.