Another try

I've been a busy little beaver but really miss blogging. So let's do this, blog! Here is a quick run down on my last 6 weeks...

• Thanksgiving was nice with Grackle and the pets but tinged with sadness due to good friends husband passing away that morning.
• After the wake the following week, I cut my thumb very badly and ended up in the ER. It wasn't too serious but a real annoyance. Most lab work requires two working thumbs. Plus, I couldn't get it wet for 2 weeks so washing my hair and doing dishes were real adventures.
• Went to the midwest for the holidays. Always nice to see family and friends. We were relaxed and happy because I had just found out that....
• I got an interview for a tenure track position. It is coming up soon and seems too good to be true. I'd really love this position.
• Been busy at work! I now have multiple major grants pending for more money than I can imagine. That jump from small student grants to big grants just happens- like magic- and I know funding rates and resubmissions and everything but just having it out there seems like a good accomplishment in itself.
• I started running again with a goal of 100 miles by April 1. I'm at 16.3 so far.

Ok! All caught up! Back to regularly scheduled blogging!

back to blogging

So, it has been a while hasn't it. My absence was much longer than planned but I think I am ready to get back.

When I left, I had just returned from a conference. There was a big focus on my new work there and I didn't feel like I kept up or fit in or was well received whenever I tried to get my foot in the door or talk to bigwigs about my project. On top of that, I was in this competition and my talk didn't go very well. It was important for me to talk to some of the judges about my new work and I couldn't shake the feeling that they were judging me about everything. Because they were! Personally, it was a wonderful time catching up with good friends but professionally, eh.

Upon returning, I went into the field. It was a productive trip with a lot of pressure. It was on a new system that Rt-H hadn't worked on before. New places to work, with a different combination of students. There was one major blowout, which was due to my own leadership failings. 10 hours in the field + 7 hours driving + no food = unhappy Albatross. I got pissed at the actions of one student and the other had a compete breakdown. We worked through things and moved on with the trip and the work once we returned, but one of the students is still harboring some resentment about it all which makes it hard to learn from our mistakes and move forward.

After that trip (in July), with the students working away in the lab on our side project, I was supposed to visit to a lab for training related to the next portion of my project. This fell through and after a bit of floundering, I finally visited a different lab this past week to do the training. Things are starting to get back on track, some unbloggable situations have resolved themselves and life is becoming a bit more manageable again.

While catching up on my 1000+ posts in my reader, please feel free to let me know major happenings that I've missed in the comments. If anyone is still here reading, that is!

Stopping by

Just wanted to pop in to say that I am alive and well.

I made it to exotic conference location and back and have been frantically preparing for the next stage of research and upcoming field excursion. We leave on Monday but the plans for my research have started falling though and so I might be in for a major project reassignment. All my time is spent trying to catch up on 3 bodies of literature because I need to act fast once we (or really just my PI) decide(s) what I will do. I've been feeling very, very imposter-y lately and the whole prospect of not having a project doesn't really help.

I tend not to blog when things aren't going well. Hopefully, I'll be back soon...

Back again!

We made it back, again! Actually, we were back a week ago but I've been locked away in the lab since then. This trip was easier that the first because it was shorter but held its own challenges. We drove into tornadoes (but didn't have to camp in the rain!) and pulled a couple of 18 hour days but ultimately got our work done. Given that this was the second trip for the students, they were not in as good of spirits as they were for the first trip. This time, they knew what they were in for! There was a feeling of quiet determination compared to the first trips' feeling of a boisterous, big adventure. 

The worst part of the trip for me was getting injured. I took a couple of hard falls landing on the part of your hand where the index finger meets the palm both times . It was purple within a minute and painful to the touch. I tried to finish out the work we were doing, but had to take a breather so as not to scream, swear or cry in front of the students. It was all I could do hold it together. My old labmates, advisor and current advisor have all seen me upset to the point of tears. Heck, I was crying when I passed my proposal defense. It is like crying is my only stress response. But for some reason, I really didn't want to lose it in front of students when I was suppossed to be 'in charge'. I just kept replaying Tom Hanks in my head telling me that there is no crying in science. It worked. In the end, there was a whole lot of cussing when out of earshot, but no crying. Is this what it means to be responsible? After more than a week, my hand is still bruised and puffy but I feel pretty good about being able to handle such an obstacle. 

Anybody else had to learn to censor themselves in front of students?

I'm back...but just for a second

Everyone survived the research trip! Being 'in charge' was really not too hard. Rt-H was accessible via text/phone when I had major issues (like getting locked out of our van due to key fab failure in the rural deep South). Despite bad weather and bad equipment we got more work done than planned and returned a day early. I got slightly annoyed around day 5 at the 22 year old first year. She had warned me that she complains a lot....and boy was she not kidding! That and her 'what I know is right and anything new or different is wrong' attitude just got to me. Smooth sailing other than that.

Research-wise it was a super successful trip and I have been locked in the lab since our return. This science is so, SO hot you guys!! I am just at the very start of the project, but can already see that it is going to be fabulous data to work with! 

We leave again tomorrow morning at 6:30 for another trip. This time I've got the 22 yr old, a guy (another first year) who asked if his girlfriend could come along because she doesn't want to be alone for 4 days (she is not coming due to her work schedule, space limitations and the ridiculousness of complaining about getting lonely when you have to spend 4 days with yourself. Doing so to a postdoc who hasn't seen her husband in a month doesn't help!) and a second year who was so anxiety-ridden on our trip in February that she broke down crying at dinner because of the prospect of driving in snow flurries. Thank goodness it is only 4 days this time! 

Hopefully on the other side of it, I will get to return to some semblance of a real life. 

Off to pack...

We are officially underway!

This past weekend, I went on my first research trip with the new lab. It was me, Rt-H and a second year grad student on a 36 hour trip, 22 of those were spent driving. The others were pretty crappy sleep and hard labor. I've been on research trips with Rt-H before, and we get along great so it wasn't too bad. The grad student kept to herself, listening to her music most of the time. She will be the topic of another post this week. 

For me, this was practice for later in the month. I will be taking 2 grad students on a ten day long research trip into the deep South. We will be doing a lot of driving, physical work and camping. It is the first research trip of its kind for both of these students and only one of them has camping experience. Should be interesting! 

In addition to the firsts for them, it will be my first time really being in charge of more than myself. I've had field helpers in the past, but they were other grad student friends (and often my husband) or undergrads tagging along with professor friends of mine. The big difference is that I am responsible and really leading the trip. I guess this means I have to be on my best behavior, set a good example and say, for example, not try to scam 5 more minutes of sleep in the mornings. The increased responsibility goes not only for the day-to-day aspect of making sure things run smoothly and paying for stuff but also for the work. It isn't just my research and graduation date depending on my abilities this time. It is my PI and all the students in the lab who depend on this work. Having the pressure turned up is actually a pretty good motivator. I am more prepared for this trip than any other and am planning on kicking ass.